Who's in Charge Here, Anyway?

Who’s in Charge Here, Anyway?
I sit whimpering in the capsule of my tiny understanding
And angrily tell God he isn’t running His world right.
I tell him, “Little children shouldn’t suffer,
People should be nice to each other, and
Things should turn out as I plan.”
Before I climbed into my capsule,
I naively believed that life was good.
God whispers, “Life is good, my child,
I am in charge; life isn’t dark ...
Adversity is not scourge, but ark.”

--Darla Isackson

This poem was part of an article called “The Spiritual Anatomy of Anger” written by Darla Isackson from Meridian Magazine. It really made me stop and think. The article is a wonderful exploration of the different facets and reasons for anger and it made me think a lot about my own anger and where it comes from. However, this poem really stood out to me. I copied it and pasted it onto a blank page and returned to it a few times, and decided what I really liked best about it. The line about how “things should turn out as I plan” really spoke to me. Sometimes I am so selfish and narrow-minded in my thinking. I have this ideal or expectation of how my life should be at this point. Because it hasn’t happened exactly as I expected, I get so angry, bitter, jealous, and downright mean. Sometimes I think that it’s because I’m being punished or that God has forgotten about me and I’m not really worth the effort anyway. The negativity of it all makes me completely miserable. And it’s no way to live. This is not how it should be. The part that says, “Adversity is not scourge, but ark” completed my thoughts perfectly. Just because negative things happen to me doesn’t mean that the whole thing (life) is bad. God is always in control and His plan for me isn’t to be miserable or cause me pain, it’s actually the exact opposite. It’s to allow me a way to find out what I'm made of. It’s a way to discover what life is all about. It’s a way for me to learn lessons that can teach about divine nature and spiritual and physical power and unique abilities. I know I’ve been given obstacles in my life that nobody else has. And it’s for a reason.

Just to give you an example, I have had a lifetime struggle with my weight. Mine is not a metabolism that is forgiving and compensatory. I have struggled…sometimes giving up and failing, other times working hard and succeeding. At times, I have stopped to see God’s hand in this trial. I have learned so many valuable lessons from this burden. I have found out what I’m made of and what I’m capable of. Because of that, I can approach other trials in life with experience. However, there are also times I wish it wasn't so stinking hard. I curse the heavens for how unrelenting it is to constantly have to be on guard. And I wish I’d been given something else. I suppose this is what He expected. {Insert tender mercies here.} I think He knew that I’d need a little lift and boost here and there along the way. He knew that I was capable, but that there were going to be times I just couldn’t fathom picking myself up and trying one more time. I’m grateful that He’s smart like that and gave me the Savior. I’m grateful that my weight problem, my temper, my self-confidence, my anxiety are all things that can eventually help me find out who I am. My trials are just as much a part of me as anything else. I wonder if maybe I should express more gratitude for them than the talents I’ve been blessed with in life. Talents are also given specifically from our Father in Heaven, and can bless and enrich a person's life, but it’s these trials and obstacles that really make me stretch, work hard, and ultimately teach the greatest lessons, reminding me where I came from and where I can return.

I hope I am rising to the challenges that my Father has given me. Sometimes I feel like I’m failing miserably, and yet other times I can feel strength from above and within pushing me forward and with each step I understand more and more who I am and that “life isn’t dark, but good”.

I Need a New Blog Title

I was thinking how boring and bland my blog title is, not to mention the layout...don't get me started on my layout. I know it's incredibly simple and plain and totally not fancy like most. I picked it from a library of blogger templates. I thought the fact that the banner was brown was actually kind of funny...a brown banner for the Brown family...ha ha! Whoa. Even I just realized how lame that is. So, help me out and vote for a new title from the following list...

A word about the choices. As many of you know, I am a huge Dixie Chicks fan. Always have been. I love their music. Not so much their opinions about politicians and such, but I love the way those girls rock! So as I was browsing my iTunes playlist, I had a funny thought about their song titles. They kind of describe my life. I think their lyrics are awesome too, but their titles especially have always really spoken to me. So I figured it was only fitting to use one of their titles as my blog title. Now don't get me wrong...this blog will not be a fan site for the Chicks, nor will it be only about me, it will still be about the Brown's as interpreted by me. If you want Mark's spin, you'll have to visit Norse Penny.

Now, make your voice heard and VOTE! (Voting located on the sidebar...)

Squashing the ‘Do (An Essay about My Aversion to Hats)

All this talk about living in the most miserable city in the country, crappy Michigan winters, and wanting to spend the month of February in Phoenix, made me think about how silly it all is really. So to help get you through these last few (stinking) weeks of winter, I'm giving you a good laugh at my expense.

I call it:

Squashing the ‘Do (An Essay about My Aversion to Hats)

I grew up in Michigan, so I "know" cold. I know that if you walk outside at 5 am with wet hair in the middle of December, your hair will freeze and turn into stringy icicles. (I learned this after attending early morning seminary while in high school.) I know all the facts about how the majority of body heat escapes the body through the (uncovered) head. I “know” all of these things. However, I was also a "big hair-ed" teenage girl in the eighties (you'll have to pay a small fee for pics) and wearing a hat just wasn't something I was going to do. In high school, for some reason you are immune to the cold. It’s amazing really. There must be something in those hormones swimming around your body during puberty that allow your body temperature to be unaffected by the cold, thus causing you to think that wearing shorts and sandals to school in January is a good idea, and that standing at the bus stop with no coat on at 7 in the morning is no big deal. I wasn’t as crazy as some, and actually owned and wore a coat, but that was about it. And it had to be basic. None of this puffy stuff or even bright colors would do. Black or gray or navy wool was all I was willing to do in defense of my stubborn vanity.

I continued my stubborn ways into college. (Why didn’t I take my big hair to Florida or someplace warmer?) Instead I took it to REXBURG (hello!) and proceeded to stubbornly avoid the hat which would totally cramp my style (i.e. leave me with flat hair). Ultimately, I ran from class to class and back to my dorm and tried very hard to “get by” with hoods and cute scarves, even though I was freezing and thought it would have been the end of the world to ruin my perfectly coifed do when in actuality nobody could have cared less how my hair looked!

Then it was onto the mission field--Prague, CZ (even colder). The list for sister missionaries included “modest blouses, conservative suits, and flats”. It should have said, “army fatigues, sweatpants (for under your dresses), and fur-lined boots up to your chin”. I relented to packing an old pair of Mom’s boots. They were plastic (seriously) on the outside, blue and green “duck” boots. They’d look great with my missionary attire…yeah right! I packed my coat with the big hood (from Rexburg), a cute scarf and glove set and called it good. But no hat. I remember my first winter in the field, crazy Babichka's would come running towards me with hats in their outstretched hands ready to pounce on my uncovered head. Eventually I caved and wore the hat more out of self defense than for warmth reasons. My hair was certainly going to pay for this.

The hat was a maroon, slightly “raspberry” colored beret given to me by a fellow sister missionary (…I know, don’t laugh! I’ve never even been a Prince fan!) It was free and still kinda cute without totally squashing my ‘do. As far as the duck boots go, I realized pretty quickly that they weren’t really realistic (they were plastic, remember?) and I mailed them back home. Why did I pay all that shipping for old duck boots? I should have just given them to some poor old Babichka, but unfortunately they were so obviously American I doubt she would have actually worn them anyway. I settled on a pair of ankle-high brown leather, fur-lined boots. I just couldn’t bring myself to wear the knee-high black boots the natives were wearing. Needless to say, all sense of fashion (or dignity) flew out the window in defense of warmth. I can honestly say the warmth factor was becoming more valuable and I began to appreciate the difference that covering my head and keeping my feet warm made, especially after hours of trudging through snow, ice and yucky, wet muck. I began to re-evaluate my ideas of “cuteness” and rely on simple practicality. I was a missionary and in a foreign country. Who was going to see me? I learned to let go and embrace the slightly dorky do that my hair sustained from yanking my hat on and off all day long. I guess I sacrificed my will if you will. You’d think that whatever good habits and lessons a missionary learns while serving lasts them throughout their life, right? Well I’d like to say that’s true, but with this whole hat debacle, it’s sadly not.

When I got home I first returned to the arctic tundras of Rexburg and then continued my education in the high mountain altitudes of Cache Valley. I ditched the mission coat, boots and hat, trading in my newly acquired sensibility for vanity once again. I found a cute brown coat with plaid flannel lining from the “Northern Exposure” store in Laurel Park. It had a warm hood, so I reasoned that I wouldn’t really need a hat anymore anyway. Ever a sucker for cute scarf/glove sets I bought one of those too, probably in crème or brown. That coat lasted me for awhile. I remember wearing it with the top buttons only snapped shut while my pregnant belly stuck out exposed to the elements. If they say the majority of heat escapes through your head, then I dread to think how much escapes an exposed pregnant belly! After that winter, I finally retired the brown coat and I really didn’t know what size I was for awhile. And because we were so stinking poor, I think I endured one winter in Boise with just a fleece jacket since I rarely left the house anyway. No coat, no hat, no cute matching set.

Now I’m living the frazzled working Mom life. My black wool coat has no hood to rely on. And I. am. freezing! But I have to have cute work hair, so I’ve been thinking and amusing myself and my stupid defiance of hats and looking too “bundled up”, thus the essay you’re reading (enduring) right now. I found a cute white hat/glove/scarf set at Target last winter in an after-Christmas sale and have been wearing it this winter…at least the scarf and gloves, it came with a hat too. I guess I’m still not sold on the hat thing. Where’s the crazy Babichka’s when I need them?

Misery Loves Company

http://realestate.msn.com/Buying/Article_forbes.aspx?cp-documentid=6171960&GT1=10932

I saw this article on MSN today. Can you believe it? I work in the most miserable city in the United States. And frankly, I know exactly what they’re talking about. I’ve tried hard to be positive about working downtown. I think it’s noble what the CEO of this company has done for the city, but I also think it’s a wasted effort. I don’t think the people who live in this city want things to change that much or that bad. And leading the effort is the infamous Kwame who pretty much sums up the general attitude of this city…live rich, die hard, and get away with as much as you can without getting caught and without having to exert very much effort. It’s sad. Like I said, I don’t want to be so negative about state of the city, but the reality surrounds me…every day. I drive into the city and see the same thing every morning and every evening. And because of that I rarely get out of my building. Sometimes a quick trip to CVS or lunch out, but that’s about it. There’s not much down here and because of that, it really is pretty miserable. If you don’t believe me, read Mark’s post here. He has it much, much worse than I do. At least the building I work in has air conditioning and no soup kitchen in the basement. And what about Metro Detroit…the suburbs where we ACTUALLY live? Are we just as miserable as Detroiters? I’d say yes and no. The whole financial plight of Metro Detroit is scary. There are literally a handful of jobs available and where there used to be huge industry, there are now empty factories and assembly plants and office and retail spaces with “For Lease” signs in the windows. They are everywhere. Not to mention “For Sale” signs on every other front lawn in any given neighborhood. People are left with no other choice but to jump ship. And sometimes they have no other choice but to leave an empty house with no promise of a buyer. Some people are desperate, and when people are desperate, they sometimes do stupid things and then the crime rate goes up in our safe little suburbs. Domestic violence, killings, theft, drugs and alcoholism, arson, it starts breeding itself. I’d say that’s a pretty miserable life. I guess that’s why they say misery loves company. Maybe Detroit is looking for some friends. Back when I was a kid, Detroit actually looked worse than it does now. We never went downtown then either. Although, we didn't have to. We had everything (including jobs) that we needed in the 'burbs. At least there, you could find a little hope and solace and carve out a place for yourself in the great state of Michigan. Back then property value was worth something and when you paid city taxes it was actually doing some good. Now it just seems like the floor is going to fall out from underneath us at any time…have we hit rock bottom yet? Is it just me?

On a funnier note, the other thought that came to mind when I saw the article’s title was “well no wonder Detroit is miserable, when you have to endure one of our winters!” Enough is enough with this snow, ice, and windchill crap!! Can I get an Amen?!?

Sorry to Leave You Hangin'

Build-a-Bear Workshop...Avery came away with a white and pink bear named Lizzy and Maryn came away with a velvet teddy-bear named Hailey.

Avery chose a white and gold ballerina ensemble for Lizzy and Maryn chose a cute hipster outfit of a jean shirt and pink t-shirt and shrug for Hailey. And you may also notice that the "twins" picked out their own outfits today. They think it's hilarious when people ask me if they're twins and they get to say NO! They were both wearing Hannah Montana t-shirts over white shirts and jeans and turquoise headbands. I thought it was kinda cute that they would initiate it themselves.

I forced the girls to try on more jeans at Old Navy because they were having a sale on all of their denim. I am in a jeans debacle with them right now. Most of the 7's are too long and too small in the waist. Where should I buy jeans? Anyway, while I was debating about jeans, they ran off and came up with this on their own. And if you look closely, they're both looking at the Mom to the left of me instead of AT ME! Why do they ALWAYS do that?

Here's the proud tooth girl. Sunday, February 17, 2008.

And here's the first of many more to come...hopefully the tooth fairy will get her butt in gear next time!! Oh and that dollar bill ring is a pattern Mark got online. Actually quite cute.

Hope you enjoyed the pics!!

It's Wednesday, but it feels like Monday

I figured I better get a new post up even though I forgot the camera and can't post the cute pics as well. You'll just have to wait. My long weekend was luxurious. Pei Wei was awesome. The food was amazing. We all ordered the same thing...the Soba Miso bowl, except I had tofu and Mom and Erin had chicken. We also got an "appi" of Spring Rolls that were really tasty. AND, the other awesome thing is they had FRESCA on fountain!! Whoo-hoo! So if you're ever in the Orchard Lake and 14 mile area, you must stop and indulge.

The Temple session was nice as well. Always is. I bumped into Sister Christensen on my way out and we commisserated about her former, my present Primary class. She feels my pain. It's not all terrible, but there are some kids who are a challenge (NOT Cameron, Angela ;-)) and sometimes how you can feel severely under-appreciated, frustrated, and sweaty. I don't know what my problem is but our classroom is consistently a million degrees and what with the pressure of entertaining, and multi-tasking, and asking the same kid to sit down a million times, I have been drenched by the time I sit down in sharing time. Is it just me? Maybe those dreaded hormones are kicking in early...I always say that...I've been saying I'm going through menopause since my twenties. I think it's funny.

After the Temple, I dropped off my Mom and checked out the new shelves in the basement. They are pretty cool. And they have that fresh wood smell. And they fit all of their food storage and seasonal decorations just perfectly. And they said that it would be a real selling point should they ever sell the little condo in the big woods. WHAT!?! Please, don't move again. (Just kidding.)

I made it home to my brood by 5 and Mark already had dinner ready to go. And not only that, it was good AND used up the produce that has been rotting in the back of the fridge. Thanks Mark. He also rented some movies and we watched "Becoming Jane". It was good. I liked it. Then again, I'm a sucker for those old, British, romantic stories.

Sunday wasn't as relaxing and holy as it probably should have been. Maryn has had this loose tooth for ages and has been really terrified of it coming out. I've given her ultimatum after ultimatum and she continued to clamp her mouth shut at every opportunity. She was so distraught that Mark decided to keep her home to try and get her to relax and just get it over with. So basically, Avery and I left for Church with Maryn shrieking in the background. Meanwhile in Primary, I made paper boats with my class to illustrate the story of Nephi crossing the sea. They turned out pretty good, but the pattern was a bit complicated to perform with 10 kids swarming me for help. Maryn walked into sharing time with only 20 minute left holding her little pink and purple tooth pillow and sticking out her lower jaw to show me the "tooth hole". I was so proud of her and happy to see that she finally got the job done. We talked about the tooth fairy the whole way home and she was pretty giddy. I was giddy too, but not so much about the tooth. More about the fact I didn't have to go to work the next morning.

Monday morning, Maryn barges into my room and asks me to come look and see what the tooth fairy brought her. GULP! ACK! A lump immediately forms in my gut. I TOTALLY forgot!! I jump out of bed and walk back to her room. We sit on her bed and she opens the pillow. The tooth is still there. Can you believe what a bad Mom I am? She melts. I stall and stump for an explanation. Eventually I came up with a plan to "email" the tooth fairy (come on, it is 2008) to find out what happened. A few hours later, we get a reply that says that because Maryn is the 1st child in our family and this is the first lost tooth ever somehow we weren't on the map. She apologizes (for being a crappy Mom) and promises to not miss her that night. Maryn is satisfied with that, and we move on. (Thank goodness.)

Thankfully, it didn't manage to ruin the entire day. We grabbed lunch at Baja Fresh, and then hit Build-A-Bear Workshop. It was fun, albeit a lot of $ for a stuffed animal. I let them play at the Teddy Bear Playground for a bit (they towered over most of the toddlers there), and then we went home.

Tuesday we had playdates with some of their friends. It was good for the most part...some drama, some quarreling, some breaking of Dad's things, and stealing candy when I wasn't looking, but fun. These kinds of things don't happen nearly enough for us. I didn't feel like leaving the house and we didn't. It was nice. The girls got reacquainted with many of their toys and I got reacquainted with my couch and a good book. Ah, gotta love the luxury of that!! I'll try and edit this post later with pics.

Friday Happenings

Okay, so I just witnessed a wedding take place in the Compuware Atrium. How random is that? 10:15 on a Friday morning. And it's not even Valentine's Day anymore. Why today? Why Compuware? I mean it's a nice building and all, but come on. It's in the middle of Detroit. I guess I'm a bit jaded. I shouldn't knock it too hard. It's a nice place to work. It has the Hard Rock Cafe, and a nice Borders bookstore, and a Ben & Jerry's. And it has a really sweet water feature...a cascading waterfall from the the top of the building that funnels down through colorful umbrellas and down the side of a glass wall, down to a granite pool that eventually recycles itself back to the top. That may have been why this couple chose our building for their big day, but the only catch is the fountain has been closed down and under repair all week. They have huge black curtain partitions covering it up while the repairmen weld and drill and make all manner of noise trying to fix the stupid thing. So instead of hearing the cascading waterfall, this couple was serenaded by welding irons and high-pitched drilling. And instead of wearing a white frilly dress, the bride was wearing a short black one. The Maid of Honor was in pants, as well as the Best Man, and I think there were like 5 people standing behind them with only camera phones to document the event. Is it just me or is this all just kinda weird? Probably the most bizarre thing I've seen since working here.

Today is the start of mid-winter break and the girls are enjoying their first day off with Grandpa and Grandma Day. I think they will have fun and may get a little spoiled in the process, but isn't that what grandparents are for? I get to take Monday and Tuesday off, and I think I'm looking forward and need the break more than they do. I. can't. wait.

This past Wednesday marked the "100th" Day of School for the girls. They each had to make projects representing a collection of 100 things. Avery's was cute. She make a huge chocolate chip cookie out of brown cardboard and glued on chocolate chips. When she got done, it was not only cute to look at but smelled really good. When she brought it home last night, I noticed that a couple chips were missing and she said she broke them off and ate them. Glue and all. Yum. Maryn made a cute book with lots of 100 pictures. One of her pics was a self-portrait of what she'd look like when she was 100. It was hilarious.

Tomorrow I'm going to the Temple and out to lunch with my Mom and sister. It will be a fun girl's day out, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm also looking forward to the end of winter. I've just about had it with the weather man telling me that the morning commute is going to be slippery and slow. Seriously. I need some good news man! And speaking of nicer buildings to get married in Detroit, that couple should have checked this one out!!

Your Love is Better than Chocolate

Who else loves that song by Sarah MacLachlan? Well, I hope everyone has a lovely Valentine's Day and that "all your wildest dreams come true" as Napoleon would say. I jokingly asked Maryn last night what she got me, and her eyes got big and she said, "nothing". I said "that's okay, cause Valentine's Day isn't about getting presents and stuff like that, it's about spending time with the people you love and doing nice things to say I love you to them all day long". Then she immediately gave me a quick hug and started busily making me a card. That's one of the reasons I love her, as you will see in my post today. I hope you can take a minute to think about reasons you love the people in your life today.

5 Things That I Love About Avery:

1. I love Avery’s tenacity. That girl sometimes shows an incredible amount of courage and confidence to do some of the stuff she does. I know it will serve her well later in life.

2. I love Avery’s skin. Avery has some of the most cloudlike, creamy-clear skin I’ve ever seen in my life and when her cheeks pink up, combined with her rosey lips and blue eyes, she is quite stunning.

3. I love Avery’s sense of humor. Avery has a great laugh and when she is really tickled by something it’s contagious. She also says some of the darndest things that really crack me up.

4. I love Avery’s sensitivity. Avery is very close to her emotions and I remember watching “Bridge to Terabithia” with her and how she cried because it was so sad. She is passionate about either really loving something or really, really not liking something. She can also really be loving when she knows somebody is struggling…like when she gives Maryn hugs “because she knows her tooth is going to come out someday, and it will be okay”.

5. I love Avery’s curiosity and imagination. She really goes after something if she is interested in it and I love that she asks questions and doesn’t settle for wimpy answers. She also has great ideas when it comes to problem solving and is quick to suggest alternatives. “If it’s broken, why don’t you just get a new one, Mom?” And I love eavesdropping on her playing… “I am a pirate princess who is stuck in a well who needs to be saved by an alien prince who only speaks Chinese and you are the cat who is also half human that discovered me at the bottom of the well…”.

5 Things I Love About Maryn:

1. I love Maryn’s sweetness. When I am old and gray, I will have a trunk full of cards from my little card maker, Maryn. Several times a week I will unload piles of pictures and drawings from her backpack, and many times I find a written note expressing her love and gratitude for me. I love her cards and how sweet she is to make them for me!

2. I love Maryn’s easy-going attitude. Sometimes this is also frustrating when she is dawdling instead of eating her food, or cleaning up, but I really love that Maryn is pretty easy to please and happy to just go with the flow most of the time. She really has a calming presence in our home.

3. I love Maryn’s creativity and eye for detail. She is a true artist at heart and is so good at drawing and making stories and decorating (just like me!). She is also learning to love finding beauty in her surroundings, and notices little things that are interesting. I remember when she was a baby and we’d go on long drives to get the girls to fall asleep and instead of Maryn sleeping, we’d hear her say, “hey, look, a chicken on the wall” and sure enough there would be a picture of a chicken painted on the side of a building. I love how she notices stuff like that.

4. I love Maryn’s lips. That is one of the first things I noticed about her when she was born, and will always be one of her features that I wish I could have for myself. She has a gorgeous smile and the prettiest little pucker you ever saw.

5. I love how friendly Maryn is. She can find a BFF at a park in 2 seconds flat. It's hilarious to see her scope out the possibilities too. She quickly scans the park and immediately gravitates to the other little girl about her size and will introduce herself and ask if they want to play. For being kinda skittish about a lot of things in life, finding and making friends isn't one of them for Maryn.

5 Things I Love About Mark:

1. I love how Mark loves the girls. He is such a sweet and fun Dad to them. I love watching him snuggle up with them to read books at bedtime, or watching them climb all over and attack him while wrestling. He makes things fun and I know they really get something from him that they can’t from me.

2. I love hearing him talk about “smart” stuff. I know we’re pretty equally yoked most of the time, but sometimes when I hear him talk about certain things like books, or politics, or even religion I am always impressed at how intelligent and insightful he really is.

3. I love how practical he is. He doesn’t worry obsessively like I do. If there’s a problem, he works out a solution and starts to get it taken care of. He rarely second-guesses himself and regardless of the outcome he knows that things will work out fine.

4. I love how he can find happiness and joy in simple things. You give him a gift card and an hour in Borders and he is a HAPPY man. You’d have thought that I bought him a new car when he got his iPod for Christmas. And that reaction continues with each 99 cent download for a new iTune. Mark gets excited and appreciates the simple pleasures in life and it inspires me.

5. I love how Mark is always willing to serve. I remember when we were driving in a really bad snow storm between Boise and Rexburg and it was dark and cold, and we had sleeping babies in the backseat and he noticed a car pulled off to the side of the road and almost without thinking he pulled over to make sure they were okay. I was furious because of my paranoid, always expecting the worst out of people attitude, but he was insistent on helping these people who were probably just like us and needed a hand. He also is one of those guys from the Elders quorum to actually show up to help people move and clean up the side of the road on a Saturday morning…without complaining. He genuinely likes to serve.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Life's What You Make It, So Let's Make it Rock!

For those who are familiar with the phenomenon that is Hannah Montana, you probably not only recognized the title to this post, but busted it out in true rock-star fashion. Maryn and Avery have truly become little Hannah/Miley groupies. Maryn especially. She got the Hannah Montana barbie doll for her birthday, along with some episodes of the HM show on DVD. She likes to talk about it with her friends and dream about becoming a rock-star. Don't you just love Disney? Anyway, I think it plays into a lot of little girl fantasies about becoming a rock-star, while still having a normal life and "keepin' it real". It's cute and quirky, and also pretty harmless as both Hannah and Miley are pretty modest and smart and not promoting bad stuff. Which I can't complain about. Anyway, we (with the help of my Dad) scored tix to the 3D Concert/Movie on Saturday. The girls had more fun getting dressed up and anticipating the event than the actual event itself. We got there early and were able to get good seats. We had popcorn and pink lemonade and our 3D glasses ready to go. And then when it started I think the girls were mesmerized for the first couple songs, but soon lost a little bit of interest. Maryn watched intently most of the time, whereas Avery got hot and bored and tired early...she and I walked the halls of the theater for the last 15 minutes or so. She was frustrated that it was a concert and not the TV show. Oh well. The 3D effects were cool and the music wasn't that bad either. It's funny how much it doesn't take for me to be entertained. The best part was watching Mark (who was probably one of the only Dad's there) sitting by Maryn, 3D glasses on, holding her hand watching the show. It was a fun event for us.

True Colors

What's Your True Color?

My Result: Green

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

What are you? http://web.tickle.com/rd/50651/color/index.jsp?testname=colorogt&resultid=C

Need a good cry?

As if the thought of Maryn turning 8 and getting baptized this year isn't hard enough, or the fact that Avery will graduate kindergarten and start first grade this year for that matter. Then I had to go and read this:

http://flawedbutauthentic.com/2008/02/06/i-want-to-remember/

And the water works ensued. Right here, sitting at my desk, in my tiny little cube, with neighbors literally inches away, mascara stains and hiccups evident to all. Gah! Happens every time!! Good thing it's flu season and I can play it off like I have the sniffles today.

Anyway, sometimes being a Mom feels like my heart is going to explode. Seriously. And come spilling out of my eyeballs. Is it just me? Or are these kids growing up way too fast? It's wonderful and exhilarating at times to see their little personalities developing and emerging, breaking free of their "babyness". It's so neat to see them figure things out and develop new interests and discover their natural abilities. Other times I realize how big and scary this world is and I get frantic about letting them become a part of it. I read a quote once that being a parent is, "like watching your heart walk about outside of your body". I think reading Heather's blog today reminded me of that. And I want so badly to remember every little detail before it's even past. Someday, not too long from now, they will be getting their ears pierced and asking for money to go to the mall with their friends and I guess I'll deal with that when it comes. But for now I need to just bask in their little girl-ness for as long as I can, as long as they'll let me.

Scaredy-Cat

20 of my Fears and Phobias:

1. extreme speed, driving too fast…not me, but being in the same car as somebody who is.
2. heights (surprisingly I’m okay on airplanes but I HATE the landing part.)
3. because of the 2 fears previously mentioned, I am really terrified of rollercoasters and race cars.
4. pitch black where I have to “feel” my way around…I always think I’m going to actually touch “something”.
5. foxes (post-partum with Maryn I had this fear that while I was pushing her in the stroller during our daily walk past the woods, a fox would leap out and snatch her out of her carriage and carry her away…maybe it was sleep deprivation??? Anyway, I’m still scared of foxes.)
6. bats (when I was growing up and we’d go night-swimming in our backyard, bats would come out of the woods close by and swoop down and dive-bomb the surface of the water. It freaked me the heck out every time.)
7. super huge spiders (I’m okay with Daddy long legs and tiny spiders, but any spider that makes a thud when it hits the floor from the ceiling sends me into hysterics.)
8. losing my teeth or my teeth breaking (I have dreams of them falling out or disintegrating in my mouth all the time.)
9. not being able to find a bathroom (I also have dreams of not being able to find a bathroom out in public, or that the only thing available is a urinal. Anyone up for dream analyzing?)
10. dark hallways. my brothers used to wait for me in the living room when I would be walking down the hallway to go upstairs and just as I rounded the corner, they would jump out and scare me. It worked every time and I am still scared of dark hallways…see #4 above as well.
11. girls getting kidnapped (who isn’t?)
12. losing my job
13. empty parking lots at night
14. Wal-Mart at night (hee hee)
15. that feeling I had after 9/11…like our country would be attacked next and then having all of those Hazmat scares with the white powdery substances and being advised to buy plastic sheeting, duct tape, and surgical masks. Sorry, but it was really scary. Still is in a lot of ways.
16. the boogy man
17. my car breaking down downtown.
18. people who are crazy. Like you can tell they are truly schizophrenic…talking and yelling at nobody, making dramatic movements, being angry and aggressive. They scare me.
19. cancer
20. bees

This post was inspired after reading my fave blog, Pioneer Woman’s confession about her phobias {http://thepioneerwoman.com/2008/01/my_phobia_by_pioneer_woman.html}. I started thinking about some of my own. I loved how she said that one of her fears was the fear of being scared. She was so scared of that icky feeling you get in your gut when you’re scared, that she began avoiding anything that might possibly induce it. That is so true. The other thing she said is that in order to face your fears and get over them, you first have to identify them and try and get to the root of the problem. Many of my fears come from so far back I don't know how they got there in the first place, and some make absolutely no sense. Some may have even been inherited. Take the heights fear for instance, it’s nice to know that if I did, in fact, inherit that one from my Dad (recall driving cross country over bridges or the infamous Nebo loop incident), that I can overcome it to some degree in my own life. Could it be possible that I'm not really scared of heights at all but have learned to react the way I do because it was a learned behavior? Maybe that's why my own girls go screaming like lunatics if they see a bee...from watching me. All I know is life’s too short and it’s too hard to live life walking on glass. We can’t cower and hide ourselves from "things" or the feeling of being vulnerable forever. I think I’m going to make a goal to knock one of these off my list this year. After reading my list, I know that at the very least the whole fox thing is pretty ridiculous. The fear of Wal-Mart? Not so much. That is real. (hee hee) What are some of your fears and phobias?