New-ness

I know you all understand the different place I am in my life right now. I'm kind of in between. That's mostly what my last post was about. I just don't know where I fit in yet. I'm in this new place...a new house in a small town, no job, no friends or family, things aren't familiar yet. Have you been in this place before? I know some of you have, maybe even more than me.

Then you know it's strange.

But I've been here before. I've moved around a lot in my life...not until after I left home for college however, but since then I've lived lots of different places. I know that there is an adjustment period every time you move. It's different for everybody. And sometimes it's different depending on where you move, or under what circumstances. Some moves are easier than others.

I'm not sure I can adequately rate this move compared to other moves we've made in the past, but so far things are going pretty well. Things have worked out great with Mark's job. He loves it. It's so much better and nicer of a place to work at than YDB ever was. He's acclimating well.

The girls are doing so much better this week compared to the last several. They seem to be getting a little bounce back in their step, and are making new friends, and doing great in school...good grades coming home and excitement about doing well on tests and things they get to do each day.

Church is good. The Ward is welcoming and warm. We gave our introduction talks this past Sunday and they went well. Mark of course was humorous and charming and the members think he's pretty hilarious. So what am I? The spiritual one? Pa-shaw!!

I even got a calling. (Although I know there are more coming.) I'll be in charge of Activity Days for the 8-11 year old girls...Maryn included. It'll be fun, I'm sure.

So slowly, my new Illinois identity is being formed. I'm starting to get a sense for "who I am" here, and how I will define myself in this new place and in this new life really. Everything is different. I have to decide what I want to be and what I want to do with myself now.

When I was in Michigan, it was easier. I was a Mom of 2 who worked full-time in the city at a pretty well know company and did something that people were familiar with. Every now and then I bumped into people from growing up in the area, attending the same schools that my girls were now attending. At church, I was the daughter of some pretty well know people in the Stake, and I knew people from growing up there too. My identity came easier to me there. I didn't really have to create much for myself. Some things I didn't really have any choice about anyway. The fact that I had to work, the fact that I had roots there.

But here, I have to start over. I have to put myself out there. And it's a little scary. Making new friends, trying to find some place I fit in. Will I work? Will I stay home? Will I find something part time? It will probably be in a whole new career as tech writers aren't really in demand in rural Illinois. All these decisions are weighing on my mind. For now, I am trying to enjoy the quiet of just not knowing, but that's hard too. (Cause my mind doesn't work like that much...you know the whole quiet and calm thing. For some reason, it just wants to go, go, go lately. It's a curse.)

I know I'm in for some big changes whatever they may be though. I can feel 2009 is the year for new beginnings. A new Suzy. Is that too narcissistic? I hope not.

In all the chaos of our move, I didn't really have a chance to take stock of 2008 and whether or not I accomplished any of my goals and what my goals for 2009 would be.

So far I know that I want to slow things down. The pace of our lives in Michigan was just way too fast. I definitely want to take more time to just be still. I want to be the one dropping the girls off at school, and waiting for them to get off the bus. I don't want to be rushing from one thing to the next all the time.

One other thing that's at the top of my list is something that Mark and I talked about wanting to start with the new year. We decided to make a little rhyme or theme to help us remember. It's this: "be kind in '09". We want to be kinder to each other, the girls, people in general. We just want to soften our rough edges a little bit. (And stop yelling so much for crying out loud!!!)

I want to be more involved in my children's education. I can tell that I'm going to need to step it up here in Tonica. I didn't realize how good we had it in Livonia. The quality just isn't the same here, and it's just going to take more involvement on our part to keep up their momentum.

I want to make new friends. I want to put myself out there. I want to be a better member missionary. We are the only Mormons in our town, and one of the only LDS families in the greater LaSalle-Peru area. People need to know who we are, and what we stand for.

And this year, I will learn to bake homemade bread!! That is something that didn't happen in 2008, and I am determined at this point!

So there you go, a few goals for '09.

A few things to help keep me focused while I am starting over in a new place. Maybe I'll get lucky and actually accomplish a few of them.

What are some of your goals this year?

Now What?

This morning, as I was getting the girls ready for school I sat down across the table from them as they finished eating their toaster waffles.

The laptop was sitting on the table from the night before.

I casually opened it up and fired her up.

Maryn looked at me and asked with disdain in her voice, "is that all you do all day?"

And I have to admit I was taken quite off-guard and kind of stuttered in defense...noooo, it's not allll I dooo all dayyyyy, I whined. And then I began to list off all the stuff I do during the day...none of which is thaaat important or necessary for a SAHM with no kids at home during the day. The laundry can wait (technically), the returns to Target can too, and I don't really have to keep searching for the perfect window sheers I guess.

And it kind of struck me...now what? I don't have the excuse of having to pack up my house for the big move, or unpack my house from the big move. And just when I was starting to have fun...I do have Dish and satellite internet now, ya know.

Guess the honeymoon's over...time to start looking for a job.

Blah.

Unless anyone has any ideas that might make for some good excuses that is. I'm all ears.

His Birthday

In the midst of all of our chaos, Mark had a birthday. He turned 35 on January 17, 2009. Man, he's gettin' old!! (Did I mention he's a whole 4 months older than I am...he's practically a senior citizen compared to me!!)

His birthday was spent waiting around for the internet guy to come and install our dish. We waited, and waited, and waited. And eventually he showed up, but unfortunately it wasn't until 4:30 in the afternoon. Mark's birthday had basically been spent at home dinking around, waiting for Dish Man to make his long-awaited (impatiently) appearance.

Although, the day wasn't a complete loss. We did make a yummy batch of chocolate chip dream bars (instead of cake) to toast his big day. Too bad, I didn't grease the pan before pressing the cookie dough crust into the 9 by 13 and it was about as hard as a brick when I took it out of the oven. Whoops. We stuck some candles in it anyway, and sang him (very conservatively...internet dude was eavesdropping) the Happy Birthday song.

The girls gave him their presents (a Bone comic book and a Batman notebook) and cards and I gave him mine. Apparently I gave him the same card last year...or so he says. The card couldn't be more perfect...it has something to do with snoring, so it's quite appropriate two years or ten years in a row in my opinion. I also gave him some iTunes goodness and a couple or three hundred books, and some new clothes.



We had big plans of driving down to Bloomington (closest big city about 45 minutes away) and eating at their Olive Garden. Except our internet guy wasn't done until almost 7 pm. That plan was scrapped, but we ventured out anyway. We ended up at the Peru Mall and ate at a cute little fifties diner place called "Maid Rite". They're famous for a loose meat burger concoction. It looked quite nasty to be honest with you...we both got regular burgers, fries, and milkshakes. The day was reedeemed.



Then I took him to Target and let him try on some new clothes.

Then we went home (to a house that has satellite internet--eeeee!!).

Happy Birthday MSB!!

P.S. We went to Bloomington the following Monday (to celebrate Martin's birthday this time). Olive Garden was trumped by the beckoning glow of Qdoba!! Yes, that's right. We all practically broke down in tears when we saw it. It was like coming home. The limey chips, the 3 cheese queso, the grilled chicken goodness. The Brown's were one happy family that day!!

The Ship Has Landed

We are all moved and unpacked and at work and back in school and doing great. Except we still don't have internet. They were supposed to come today (we're getting satellite), but because of a freak blizzard yesterday and 30 below temps today (2 snow days in a row), the dude cancelled on me.

I don't think he realizes how serious the situation is becoming.

At least I still have my diet caffeine. At least that is the one constant in my life right now.

I wish I could post pictures and write more, but it'll have to wait until I get my life-line back.

Until then...

Lots of L-O-V-E from the blizzard capitol of the world!!