New-ness

I know you all understand the different place I am in my life right now. I'm kind of in between. That's mostly what my last post was about. I just don't know where I fit in yet. I'm in this new place...a new house in a small town, no job, no friends or family, things aren't familiar yet. Have you been in this place before? I know some of you have, maybe even more than me.

Then you know it's strange.

But I've been here before. I've moved around a lot in my life...not until after I left home for college however, but since then I've lived lots of different places. I know that there is an adjustment period every time you move. It's different for everybody. And sometimes it's different depending on where you move, or under what circumstances. Some moves are easier than others.

I'm not sure I can adequately rate this move compared to other moves we've made in the past, but so far things are going pretty well. Things have worked out great with Mark's job. He loves it. It's so much better and nicer of a place to work at than YDB ever was. He's acclimating well.

The girls are doing so much better this week compared to the last several. They seem to be getting a little bounce back in their step, and are making new friends, and doing great in school...good grades coming home and excitement about doing well on tests and things they get to do each day.

Church is good. The Ward is welcoming and warm. We gave our introduction talks this past Sunday and they went well. Mark of course was humorous and charming and the members think he's pretty hilarious. So what am I? The spiritual one? Pa-shaw!!

I even got a calling. (Although I know there are more coming.) I'll be in charge of Activity Days for the 8-11 year old girls...Maryn included. It'll be fun, I'm sure.

So slowly, my new Illinois identity is being formed. I'm starting to get a sense for "who I am" here, and how I will define myself in this new place and in this new life really. Everything is different. I have to decide what I want to be and what I want to do with myself now.

When I was in Michigan, it was easier. I was a Mom of 2 who worked full-time in the city at a pretty well know company and did something that people were familiar with. Every now and then I bumped into people from growing up in the area, attending the same schools that my girls were now attending. At church, I was the daughter of some pretty well know people in the Stake, and I knew people from growing up there too. My identity came easier to me there. I didn't really have to create much for myself. Some things I didn't really have any choice about anyway. The fact that I had to work, the fact that I had roots there.

But here, I have to start over. I have to put myself out there. And it's a little scary. Making new friends, trying to find some place I fit in. Will I work? Will I stay home? Will I find something part time? It will probably be in a whole new career as tech writers aren't really in demand in rural Illinois. All these decisions are weighing on my mind. For now, I am trying to enjoy the quiet of just not knowing, but that's hard too. (Cause my mind doesn't work like that much...you know the whole quiet and calm thing. For some reason, it just wants to go, go, go lately. It's a curse.)

I know I'm in for some big changes whatever they may be though. I can feel 2009 is the year for new beginnings. A new Suzy. Is that too narcissistic? I hope not.

In all the chaos of our move, I didn't really have a chance to take stock of 2008 and whether or not I accomplished any of my goals and what my goals for 2009 would be.

So far I know that I want to slow things down. The pace of our lives in Michigan was just way too fast. I definitely want to take more time to just be still. I want to be the one dropping the girls off at school, and waiting for them to get off the bus. I don't want to be rushing from one thing to the next all the time.

One other thing that's at the top of my list is something that Mark and I talked about wanting to start with the new year. We decided to make a little rhyme or theme to help us remember. It's this: "be kind in '09". We want to be kinder to each other, the girls, people in general. We just want to soften our rough edges a little bit. (And stop yelling so much for crying out loud!!!)

I want to be more involved in my children's education. I can tell that I'm going to need to step it up here in Tonica. I didn't realize how good we had it in Livonia. The quality just isn't the same here, and it's just going to take more involvement on our part to keep up their momentum.

I want to make new friends. I want to put myself out there. I want to be a better member missionary. We are the only Mormons in our town, and one of the only LDS families in the greater LaSalle-Peru area. People need to know who we are, and what we stand for.

And this year, I will learn to bake homemade bread!! That is something that didn't happen in 2008, and I am determined at this point!

So there you go, a few goals for '09.

A few things to help keep me focused while I am starting over in a new place. Maybe I'll get lucky and actually accomplish a few of them.

What are some of your goals this year?