Ghosts of Our Former Selves, Part 2

After I finished writing my last post, I realized that it was only part of what I had on my mind after reading cjane's post about the ghosts of our former selves. I realized that there was so much more I wanted to say, to write about. So here goes...

Along with the memory flashes of good times gone by, come the not so happy memory flashes. The flashes from my past that I'm not so proud of, the flashes where I humiliated myself, the times when I said something so hurtful, or the times when I didn't say enough, the flashes where I experienced such sadness that I thought my heart would literally break, the flashes where I was paralyzed with fear. I know we all have them, they are not so pretty and not so pleasant to remember.

Unfortunately they come just as often as the happy flashes, and I think they serve an equally important purpose. To remind us of things we've learned, things we've lost, things we've had to sacrifice for the greater good, and what NOT to do next time. Each memory teaches us and moves us forward, just like the good ones. I wouldn't be the person I am today without them, no matter how unpleasant my bad times have been, so for that reason I accept them when they come. I try and remember how I got through those times, and where I was on the other side after all was said and done.

I also sometimes think back about the person I was when my memories were happening. Who was I? What were my thoughts and feelings like? What were my struggles and fears? Why did I think I knew it all at that point in my life? Or why didn't I give myself enough credit for who I was? Why was I soooo hard on myself? If I could tell her something, anything...what would it be? The person I was 5 years ago, 10 years ago, and so on is not the person I am today. Sometimes she haunts me with regret, but most of the time I just feel sorry for her. I realize how much I've learned and grown from where I was.

I wish I could go back in time and relive some of my memories, especially the bad ones. I would do things so differently. I would realize that the period of my life that I thought I would never get through was really just a flash in the pan. Things do get better, time does heal wounds, and you can overcome. You can become a better person, you are absolutely capable of amazing things. Everything doesn't always have to be so hard. Aaaggh! I wish I could shake some sense into myself sometimes! Ha ha!

But then again, I know I have lived a rich life. I have had so many experiences, both good and bad, and when I think about how all of these things "shall give thee experience", and how truly blessed I am, I am humbled. This is all part of the "big picture"!! This is what the Plan is all about. Living our mortal lives...we get one shot. So be grateful for the time, the memories, and the lessons we are living each day. Live your life knowing that someday it will all come together in one big memory flash...and it will be yours forever.