Welcome to Mark

A few weeks ago on a sunny Sabbath afternoon, we decided to load up the ducklings for a leisurely drive through the country. We headed west...cause it seemed like that's where all the sunshine was. We just kept driving and driving...Parker slept peacefully, and the girls kept their eyes peeled for bald eagle sightings, squealing when they thought they saw their gigantic nests in the tops of the scraggly branches of tall trees. They hardly complained at all, which is saying something nowadays.

When they were younger this was one of Mark and my favorite things to do...take a drive someplace new...go exploring...enjoy being out of the house...have some quiet time, to talk, or just meditate. Call us crazy but that's what "drives" do for us. We get our best talk time during drives, and many of our best decisions and discoveries about life have happened in the front seats of our vehicles...Mark behind the wheel, me in the passenger seat. Are we alone in this?!?

Anyway, lately it takes some serious bribery...a promised movie on the portable DVD player, or treats to take along in the backseat...to get these girls to agree to a drive. On this particular day we did both, but as I mentioned before they didn't even ask for the movie once we got going. I think they learned to just enjoy the scenery and be quiet with their thoughts.

On our latest drive we went through a tiny town called "Granville". We stumbled upon a house that had the Scooby Doo "Mystery Machine" parked outside of it. NO jokes, it was one of those old school vans painted EXACTLY like the real thing. It both humored and fascinated the girls...I think seeing it parked outside a normal looking house on a normal looking street completely piqued their curiosity and kept them engaged in conversation and imagination for the rest of the afternoon...that was until we hit the next tiny town outside of Granville...

As we drove along I saw the town boundary/city limit sign coming up...a green sign with fluourescent white lettering...it read "Mark, population ?" I couldn't believe it. How funny is that?!? To be driving through a town with your name on it. I don't think I'll ever find a "Suzy" or "Suzanne" Illinois, folks!! We all started laughing and teasing Mark about being mayor of his own town. I don't think we've all laughed this hard in awhile...it was one of those laughs where you're not sure if you are laughing or crying, you can't seem to catch your breath, you might have an accident (if you know what I mean), your stomach and cheeks ache from all the hysterics. It was hilarious. But I bet you had to be there to believe me. Oh well. Just know we had a great time!!









And you might be interested to know that in the town of Mark, there was an Elizabeth street, an Ava street, a Park street, a St. Paul street, and an AmeDay street...it just kept getting funnier and funnier.

Little Sweetheart and First Num Num's

Look at all that hair!! Avery didn't have this much hair until she turned 2, I'm not kidding.



She is starting to scoot around a little...it's more like a pivot system. She pulls her legs up and throws them over and pivots herself around the floor. What does that mean?



She is so loud!! Yesterday Mark called on his way home from work asking if there was anything I needed...you know what I told him? A HUGE diet coke and a head rub!! Her talking is loud, her squealig is loud, she is either just generally pretty peaceful or expressing herself at the top of her lungs. I'm discovering there isn't much of an in between with her.





Another milestone folks--Parker's first rice cereal feeding.

Help us all!!

Heart to Heart

Do all schools participate in "Jump Rope for Heart"??? I'm not sure. The girls have done it now every year since they've been in school...both back in Michigan and now here in Illinois. This year it will take place on Wednesday, February 17. Anyway, I think it's a great cause. We have a lot of people in both of our families who have been affected by heart disease, as well as some of our friend's children. This program gets the kids involved in learning about heart disease...they learn about how the heart works, and how to take care of it through exercise and proper nutrition. They learn that they can help people who have heart disease through their fundraising efforts.

So if you're interested in making a donation for either of the girls this year, please leave a comment to do so and we'll get ya signed up...if not this year, consider doing so in the future.

Thanks for your support!!

Maryn and Avery

The Mama Bear In Me

Forget road rage...what about "Mama Bear" rage? This past week I have been so irritated at how mean and catty little girls can be. I don't know what it is about girls specifically...when they feel bad, they either want to make everyone feel bad around them, or they want the world to just go away and they lock themselves up, refusing to talk, asserting a passive aggressiveness. The other thing I've noticed is that some girls feel a need to assert dominance in groups, make yourself feel better by making others feel bad, make sure that whoever is different knows it, that everyone else knows it, and that they are sufficiently humiliated by your incessant need to point it out.

I see it in my own girls certainly...sometimes they say the meanest things to each other...things they know will just cut the other one down. Things that are aimed directly at the heart, ya know what I mean? It's hard to be a part of it...it's never fun watching your babies hurt each other...especially when it's with words...when it's words, how do you explain that it hurts just as much if not worse than getting hurt physically? That it bruises your spirit, that it makes you think differently about yourself, and the person who insulted/offended you...it makes you distrust...in your own sense of confidence, and in the other person who you love and is supposed to support you and enourage you. It can really do a lot of damage internally.

I remember taking Maryn to a playground when she was little....like just barely learning to toddle around. She was so social. She'd walk up to the first other little person and smile her wide mouth grin at them and instantly strike up a game...squealing and chasing each other around. But then she would get knocked down, maybe it was on purpose, maybe it was innocent, who knows, but that feeling that rises up in you when you see somebody harm your baby is unmistakable. It's strong...starts in your gut, rises up into your throat...are you going to cry or are you going to react? Your head gets hot, your teeth clench, your fists ball up and start to sweat a little. The first reaction is to make it stop!!

At first when Maryn was little I would try to let things slide...in favor of being polite and teaching her to handle things gracefully. I was always taught to take the high road and not to stoop to the perpetrators level. Getting into fights is exactly what they want a lot of the time. And other people hurt you when they are scared, lonely, or cowardly. Killing them with with kindness was the better choice.

Until recently...it's not that I want to teach something contrary to what I mentioned above. I think that ultimately we need to teach our children to do what Jesus would do...turn the other cheek, forgive, develop empathy and charity and all that stuff. But then there's just survival skills and that's what I'm talking about here.

Since we moved to this tiny town, Maryn has been in an awkward situation. She is one of only 5 girls in her class. There is not a plethora of choices for friends for her at school. And these girls have been friends since kindergarten (and probably before), and as with any small town, they are not really open to change or newcomers. Add to that the fact that one of the other girls in her class has the same name as her, same spelling and all!! She thought they'd be best friends, but the other Maryn had different ideas. She ultimately feels like this "new" Maryn has invaded her territory and challenged her sense of identity. She has always kind of been the ring leader of this little pack of girls and told them off the bat NOT to be friends with the "new" Maryn and that's been our struggle ever since. Our Maryn has fought, struggled, tried, and tried again to just get along and be friends with these girls and they just aren't having it...at. all.

It is absolutely breaking my heart. I feel so deeply for Maryn. I know what it feels like to feel like an outsider, like you're different, like nobody likes you, that you'll never be included or accepted. I think partly because I was raised in an environment where I was the only "Mormon" and couldn't do lots of stuff, I had lots of brothers and sisters, we didn't have a lot of extra money, therefore I didn't have a lot of designer labels. I didn't like stuff that a lot of the girls at school liked (I guess I was kind of nerdy), I was non-athletic, I was non-musical, I would rather read books, draw, or play dolls when they were all learning gymnastics, going water skiing, or the buying the latest Atari video game. So I know what she is feeling right now.

Maryn and I have our talk time on our drives home from Acheivment Days lately. I ask her if there's anything that she'd like to talk about and most of the time she launches into some kind of guilt trip on Mark and I about how we don't do enough fun stuff at home, how she doesn't like when Avery does this or that, etc. Typical 9 year old angst...and I can deal with that. It's when she tells me about the mean stuff the girls at school said that day, or how nobody will play with her at recess that the Mama Bear comes out in me and I feel helpless, sad, and trapped for her. I wish there was something I could do other than just tell her it will all be okay. Part of me wants to march onto that dang playground in the middle of recess and lay some serious smack-down on those catty little girls, and part of me wants to call up their Mom's and go off on how their daughters are being complete and total selfish brats!! But then again, they are being the same way towards me...maybe that's why this stings so much...I don't have any friends here either.

This past week Maryn told me how one of the girls has decided that they each need to be labeled...(bear with me on this one guys, this is the mind of a 3rd grader). They have to fit into only 1 of 3 classifications...they are either a girly-girl, a tomboy, or a "math-freak" which I think means nerd. Maryn declared to the group that she was 50% girly-girl and 50% tomboy...(she told me later that she really thinks she's more "math-freak" but she didn't want to admit that to the girls for fear of ridicule of course). And that's when ring-leader says, "you are not any percent tomboy, you are 100% girly-girl." Which hurts Maryn's feelings because all the other girls are "tomboys". So in retaliation she says, "I don't care, I'm 100% Maryn B. !! (which is her name now because of the two Maryn issue). Which I thought was pretty gutsy for a little 57 pound girl when there are 4 other meany bullies staring her down at the lunch table. When she told me this story, I listened patiently and then I just couldn't help it. I told her she needs to tell those girls to "shut their yaps"!! Maryn later told this to Mark, who asked me what I thought was going to happen when I was the one getting an angry phone call from somebody's Mom asking me why my daughter thinks it's okay to talk like that. I think I'm willing to deal with the consequences quite frankly!!

So what would you do? What have you done if/when this has happened to your kids?

We obviously can't pick up and move any time soon. But at the same time, for the first time in my entire life as a parent, I am seriously considering home schooling. You know it's bad when I start thinking like that...UGH!!

I've talked to her teacher about the situation and how it makes her feel (she told me "she'd keep her eye out"--pashaw!! One of the other girls is her grandaughter for crying out loud, that's how small a town we're livin' in here people), we've invited each of these girls over for playdates (and individually they are as sweet as can be), to which their parents have NEVER reciprocated (which is fine by me because I'm not sure I would want Maryn going to any of their houses anyway), I've signed her up for Girl Scouts (to try and foster better friendships/relationships with these girls)...what next?!?

My Own Version of Hoarding

Our van has been on the fritz for a couple weeks and we finally got it back on Wednesday. I had been cooped up in the house during the day for those 2 weeks with Parker because the other option was to get up and take Mark to work at 8 am, no thanks!!

I decided to treat myself to a little retail therapy last night at Tar-jay. I had a few things I needed to pick up...some baby spoons and rice cereal for our little monkey who is READY TO EAT some solids...she's about to burn a hole through our faces as she stares at us eating our food nowadays. So cute. Anyway, I also needed batteries, body wash, and a diet coke from the Tar-jay Cafe (can I get an amen?!?)

But I also just wanted to stroll the aisles, see what's new, look at shiny things, and get lost in visual stimulation. Is that so wrong? No! The wrong comes in when you do this with no timeline, budget constraints (oh I have them, I just choose to ignore them from time to time), or kids in tow. That is when you are left with only the little voice in your head to tell you that it's been long enough, that you've put enough things in the cart now, you have no idea how much all of this stuff is going to cost (or care for that matter), and that it's time to go now...put the dollar item down Suzy, it's time to go!!

Have you watched "Hoarders" on A&E yet? It's quite disturbing. These people have a genuine mental illness. They are INCAPABLE (without serious therapy) of throwing things away, not being able to say no to new acquisitions, and they place more value on material possessions than on the long term consequences that acquiring those things yields. It's sad really. I know I'm not as bad as the hoarders on that show. My house isn't piled from floor to ceiling in junk, I'm not incapable of throwing away my trash (far from it actually, but that's a post for another day). My problem is in saying no to a good deal. Specifically walking away from things that are on CLEARANCE!! Especially at Target. When I see that tempting little red sticker affixed to an item, I feel a magnetic pull. I must see what the price is. I learned awhile back that the percentage off is located in the upper right corner of the tag. The original price on the left, the NEW price on the right. I get sucked in every time. I figure when it's on sale, it's fair game.

And that's exactly what happened last night. I decided to take a gander at the clearance racks in the shoe department...it's been so long since I got myself new shoes. Ooooh, those are on clearance...oooh, only $6.24!! And the cycle continues...onto the baby section...winter coat for Parker for next year...oh, and look at this cute hat and mittens that match it...now onto the girls section...tights for Maryn, jeans for Avery, the sales were astounding!! Everything was like 75% off! Plus I had my Target rewards coupon for an additional 10% off of that!! I kept going!!

The only point where I began to really question my motives was in the linens dept. They had sheets for 75% off. When I re-did the girls room I didn't get new sheets. So I got 2 sets of twin sheets for each of them...but is that enough? No!! I picked up 2 more!! For when the other set is in the wash right? Except that they don't really need new sheets in the first place. The sheets they have are fine. They're a few years old, but fine for the most part. They just don't match the new bedding is all...and you know how I am about the matchy-matchy!! So that's where I started getting a little compulsive...do I get the 2 sets or just the 1? All of them are like $2-4 a set!! I can't put them back...they're so cheap!!!!!! I ended up buying them, but you know what happens next, right? You have the option of returning them, but are still unable to do so because you (okay, me, I) continue to obsess about it!!

I ask Mark for his opinion. He is the only voice of reason at this point. He says to take the extra sets back. We really don't need them. But they're only $2.50 I point out for the millionth time!! So what?!? he says, if we don't need them, we don't need them.

And that's when it hit me. If I let my "good deals" mania get too out of line, I will end up like the Hoarders on A&E...with nothing but unopened packages of sheets sets to keep me warm at night...oh the horror!! (Stop laughing!!)

So I decided today that I am going to start imposing regulations on my clearance spending...a Quick Reference for myself when I am standing in the aisle at Target...clearance item in hand...trying to decide whether or not to chuck it in the cart or back on the shelf.

Here goes, bear with me:
1. Am I going to use this item up? Is it completely consumable? Food, toiletry, paper good, general merchandise that can be used up? If yes, then proceed to question 2.

2. Is it at least 3o% off? If so, then you're getting warmer. 50% is better, but 75% is a pretty safe bet that I am getting an awesome deal, and that it is safe to purchase.

3. Am I going to use this item RIGHT NOW? Or is it something that will just sit and acquire dust for when I think I might want or need to use it? If so, then the answer is NO. If it is something that can go into food storage then proceed to question 2 again.

4. What is the quality of this item? Am I settling for second best simply because of the sales price? Is there a reason that there are so many leftover items that nobody else wanted? If it is cheap and crappy anyway (despite the sales price), just walk away!!

5. Will this item fulfill a specific purpose? Or do I just think it's cute? Will the use I get out of this item justify the cost? Mostly I use these questions for home decor...things that just sit and grace a shelf or wall. Do I know where this picture or frame will go right off the bat? If not, then NO!!

6. (And in terms of clothing) Is this an item that will get worn regularly? Not a one time deal kind of thing like a fancy dress or pair of shoes...will I wear this on a daily, weekly basis? If not, will I wear this item to a specific event that is coming up? If the answer is no to any of these, the answer is NO!!

Hopefully these criteria will help me to weed out the superfluous items that I just don't need. The money is better in my pocket than it is in an item that will sit on a shelf, ya know what I mean? I am learning. I am trying. I want to do the right thing. I want to be a frugal, thrifty shopper, but at the same time I don't want to constantly feel like I "live in dog patch". There is money for things that are needful and purposeful...we have to eat, we have to clean ourselves and our things, we have to dress ourselves, and have bedding, furniture, etc. Just remember that we don't have to have it ALL! And that some things are just fluff. And ultimately vanity. And that is most definitely not the intention.

So wish me luck fam and friends and maybe you too can get a little use out of my Quick Reference...think of it the next time you find yourself trolling the clearance racks at your favorite store...and above all, JUST SAY NO!! for heaven's sake!!

P.S. If there is a criteria you would like to add to the Quick Reference, please by all means, leave it in the comments!! I'm all ears!!

4 Months

5 months is just around the corner (Feb 5th). So I thought it might be a good idea to recap Parker's 4th month.

Enjoy!!


No wonder Mama Jumbo loved her baby Dumbo so much...who can resist those ears?!? This is Parker in her swing...she takes lots of naps here.


Elfin Parker--this dress was from Aunt Amy--we love it!! This is on the "guest bed" in her room.


She is really becoming so alert--she cranes her neck around to see what's going on all the time and just has the biggest eyes, soaking it all in.


She is so expressive! If we smile, she smiles, if we laugh, she laughs. She is really a happy baby who is pretty easy to please.


Parker on Christmas Eve Day.


Christmas morning--our favorite present this year!!


This one...I can't even stand it!! This is the infamous Bumbo in our sunroom. I think that was the day we were putting up curtains in here.


Tummy time...starting to grab for toys...although it doesn't last very long...she hates being on her tummy and I can't stand to hear her cry. Bad mom, bad mom!!


More tummy time on Maryn's bed--this outfit is from Aunt Shauna. I thought she matched her comforter pretty well that day.


Another one that I can't even stand!! The girls picked up this hat from IKEA over Christmas break. Of all the options, they chose the Viking helmet...where do they get this stuff from?!? Anyway...I guess it's appropriate seeing as both Mark and I are Ricks College Vikings Alumni. Hee hee!!

Other milestones this month include:

-growing out of her bassinet and now sleeping in her crib--through the night!! She will go anywhere from 8-10 hours nowadays. I hope I'm not jinxing it by saying it out loud.

-growing out of her infant bouncy seat...I had to pack it up and put it away...she just won't stay in there anymore. She's got to be more upright so she can look around!

-getting out the Bumbo and having her sit up more.

-grabbing for toys and putting them in her mouth.

-more tummy time--rolled over from her tummy to her back...hasn't happened again.

-laughing (we have to work for this folks...she is a hard egg to crack!)

-taking the infant insert out of her baby bath...she is too darn long for it and needs more space to KICK and SPLASH in the water!

-at the beginning of December she was wearing mostly 3-6 month clothes...I am now packing many of them up for 6-9 month things.

-she is now well over 15 pounds and 23 inches long.

-she is now wearing a size 3 diaper!

Can you believe how much she is growing? I don't know if I'm ready for Month 5!!

I Think I've Been Dumped

I'm actually a bit wary of posting this because even though I know my blog is private, there's always that sneaking suspicion that somehow people are reading my thoughts without me knowing it. Paranoid much? Yep, you bet!!

Anyway, I've had an experience over the past few months that has been weighing on my mind. And I need your advice. I'm at a place in my relationship with this person where I'm really at a loss for where to go next, but I need to do something...act quickly and deliberately if you will.

So I've lived here for a year now and it wasn't until November that I finally got a Visiting Teaching route, and in turn visiting teachers for myself. In my area of the world, the Church is very small. We have huge boundaries for our Ward, which means that when you visit people you really have to commit...time, travel, your whole heart. And I'm ready to do that. The other thing it means is that for every teacher you have that is considered "active", there is also a teacher who is not so active and not really committed as strongly as the other one. That has kinda been the case with this situation. I want to help my companion, but don't know where to draw the line in terms of "helping" and just plain being taken advantage of. I don't want to push, but at the same time I do want to encourage and support. I don't want to make the problem worse by doing too much, but also just not do anything. AAAGH! See what I mean?

So what do I do? I'm in this place where I'm not sure what I did, or what I can do to make things different or better. I can't help but replay all of these things over and over in my head and blame myself for it somehow. I feel guilty for somehow letting this opportunity go down the toilet. But then I stop and think, is this really my fault? Am I unnecessarily beating myself up for something I have no control over? Is this really just someone else's issue? I don't know.

What do you think?

And what should I do next?

I still have to visit teach my 2 assigned sisters, and I guess I'll be going it alone. Which is fine, but I feel like I need to address this whole relationship regardless. In my old age, I hate letting stuff like this go. I hate confrontation, but see it's value in getting closure and not letting myself be "bullied" or taken advantage of. I've let that happen to myself waaaaayyy too much in my lifetime and I'm over it.

Soooo...once again....your thoughts? Please.