Not Feelin' It

I just finished up a Total Body class at my fitness center. It’s a good mix of cardio and strength, and was taught by my fave teacher Sarah. She just had a baby like six months ago and you’d never know. She looks awesome and she kicks some serious booty. On my way into the gym today, I swiped my card and one of the other trainers (Rob) asked me how my workouts were going. It was one of those, “why are you talking to me?” moments. I said “okay”, feeling a little vulnerable and suspicious. Maybe he was just feeling chatty; maybe he had an agenda, who knows. He asked me if I was still doing the strength routines he gave me awhile back. (We had this fitness initiative a few months ago where we got a free 30 minute session with a personal trainer, and Rob was mine.) I said no (thinking to myself, “why, does it show?”) and he was like, “well, do you want to go over a new plan?” And I was still all instinctively defensive and said that I didn't know. I totally wussed out and walked away, feeling really self-conscious and really, really pathetic.

So what is my problem?!? It was only a few weeks ago I was making all kinds of goals (I think I may have even mentioned a half-marathon in the fall or something crazy like that) and feeling like I could conquer the world. Today, I am seriously lacking in the motivation dept. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I don't feel the same fire and drive and stuff lately. You may have noticed that I took down my “Log Your Run” widget on my sidebar last week. It was starting to stress me out and make me feel all bad about myself. I tend to get really hard on myself when I feel like I’m slacking off and that was the case. So I thought that maybe if I took it down, I would stop worrying and obsessing so much about it. Well it kind of worked. Instead of feeling bad and just doing my workouts anyway, I pretty much just didn’t work out last week at all. And when I did, I was totally trudging through it and just not. enjoying. it. at. all.

I guess this is pretty normal. It’s called a plateau or whatever. (Is that what the kids are calling it these days?) The awkward spans of time when you just don’t want to do any of it anymore? The times when you feel sluggish, unmotivated, and kind of apathetic. (Yikes.) I guess that’s what this is.

My eating is all out of whack too. Last week was especially terrible. We had chips in the house (3 varieties: Lay’s classics, Doritos (help me), and tortilla chips a.k.a, the Lord’s cheeps), ice cream, Oreos, we went out to eat and I specifically ordered fries…like for myself (I usually just eat everyone else’s). I felt like a crazy woman. Like I had no self-control, and that little voice inside my head was being strangled by the beast within. It kind of culminated (or hit rock-bottom) for me on Saturday afternoon. Friday I had eaten all kinds of junk at Compu-stock (see previous post), and continued that into the weekend. Saturday afternoon we had pizza at the park for lunch, and then got donuts on the way home. Yes, that’s right. I’m coming clean. Needless to say, on Sunday I was feeling pretty yucky.

Before you think I sound like a weight/exercise obsessed loony toon, understand that I’ve been here before…I’ve been there, done that. I’ve been riding this diet and exercise coaster my whole life. I’ve been up and down and all manner of in between. I speak from experience, and I know what is happening to me and it kinda freaks me out quite frankly. I know that if I stay in this so-called plateau range for too long, bad things can happen. It ain’t pretty or fun. So red flags are up, and both eyes are open. But I’m still kinda feeling like, “so what?!?”

I don’t really know what the purpose of this post is. I guess it’s to come clean to myself about how I’m feeling and just get it off my chest and hopefully that will move me in a positive direction. Maybe it’s to reach out for your help…so that I can know I’m not the only one, and that this too shall pass. Maybe I need to hear some of your ideas or secrets for getting out of a funk. Whatever you got, I’m all ears. (And next time there’s a family function, don’t assign me the chips!! And certainly don’t let me sneak out with the leftovers either!!)

We Make IT Rock!

In the words of one of my favorite bloggers, Heather, all I can say about today is, "Oh My Stinkin' Heck!" The company I work for (which shall remain nameless) has been working on a huge PR campaign over the past few months. They wanted to update our brand and specifically our dated logo. They've been sending out surveys, and even hired a guy specifically for this task. Well today was the unveiling and the kickoff here at headquarters and you'd think they just resurrected Elvis the way this thing came off. All of my wildest dreams and expectations have completely been blown out of the water. I'm not kidding. It's really been something.

It started yesterday. We each got a brand package. It was rectangular, shaped like a stereo speaker. You open it up and it starts playing a rockin' guitar riff. Inside is a laminated "backstage pass" with lanyard and a pack of rub-on tattoos of guitar picks, and hemp designs. Also inside is a shrink-wrapped t-shirt in the shape of a guitar. The t-shirt is one size fits all (huge) and has the new company logo. Let's just say we look like rock-stars!!

The kick-off started this morning with a pretty respectable, yet casual meeting with our CEO and COO. Everyone was in jeans, and their rockin' t-shirts, and feeling comfortable. Then we were invited to attend the "jam session" downstairs. This is where it gets good. They blocked off traffic around Campus Martius and had a rock band set up on a huge stage on the park. They had those big old stadium flood lights surrounding the park, along with rows and rows of chairs. They had cameras rolling, and employees started rockin' out. Seriously! There was a mosh pit! You would have never guessed these were employees of an IT company. It was hilarious! They had impersonators perform including Ozzy Osbourne, Madonna, and Bono. And the main event was when they unveiled the new company logo on the front of the building preceded by fireworks, explosions, and confetti! Yes, this was all outdoors on the park. I couldn't believe it. Words can barely describe it now.

After the jam session, we were invited to enjoy lunch catered by the Hard Rock Cafe (mini-cheeseburgers, etc.), and Detroit delicacies such as Faygo and Better Made Chips, as well as free ice cream from Ben & Jerry's. It was pretty awesome. The crowds were thick, but all in all it was a happy chaos. We were all rockin' and nobody had to work! So now it's late Friday afternoon and the building is slowly emptying out. I think everyone is pretty worn out after "Compu-stock" this morning. It was a hoot!

The Reason for the Season

This is a totally belated Mother’s Day post, but I didn’t want to forget it. I feel like this blog has replaced my journal lately, so I wanted to make sure I included my thoughts and experiences from Mom’s Day 2008.

Last Thursday, Avery’s after-school kindergarten class had a special program for their Mom’s. They had the gym decorated with cut lilacs, flowery tablecloths, and trays of cookies and jugs of iced tea (with 1 lone lemonade for a certain Mom who can’t drink tea because "it’s against her religion"…hee hee). The kids filed into the gym in an orderly row, following Mrs. T and formed 2 lines.

The tall kids were in the back (hi Avery!), and the little ones in the front.

From the moment she walked into the gym, a lump formed in my throat and I didn’t know if I was going to cry or giggle. She’s such a cute little girl and she just makes my heart sing, and break, and laugh all at the same time. She told me she didn’t feel good that morning, but that is the case most mornings. She’s not a morning person and most days tells Mark and I that she doesn’t want to go to school, etc. She said she had a headache. I told her she’d probably be fine and if she felt yucky to tell her teachers. I figured it was like any other day. After arranging the students, Mrs. T stopped by where I was sitting to tell me that Avery took a long nap in the afternoon instead of eating her lunch and wasn’t her usual self that day. I looked at her, and I could tell she was not feeling good. She yawned her way through the first couple songs, and regardless of how crappy she felt she never gave up.

Not even when they did the Macarena and I could tell it was draining every ounce of her energy to do the movements with the class.

She yawned, and slumped, and did her best as only she can. After she finished, she crumpled into my lap and wanted to go home. She didn’t even want the cookies or the “lemonade”. I must admit it felt good to have her long body snuggled up on my lap again. She was warm and I could tell she had a temperature. I wanted to just rock her and hold her close.

Maryn’s class was also having a Mom’s Day Tea that was at 4 pm. I told Avery we could go home for a little bit and come back, or just wait for it on the couch in the SACC room. She found her blanket and pillow from earlier and curled up on the couch. I sat next to her, rubbing her back and talking. Eventually she decided she needed some fresh air, so we went for a little walk outside to her playground. She told me what she does on recess, and who she plays with, and picked up a few seed pods from the ground and showed me how there’s “cotton” inside of them. It was wonderful following her around and letting her share her life with me. Eventually we went back inside and Maryn saw me and nearly knocked me over in her enthusiasm. She grabbed my hand and directed me back into the gym with the flowers, tablecloths, and cookie trays and told me to sit down and took my order. She kept reminding Mrs. T that she needed 2 lemonades cause her Mom doesn’t drink iced tea (it’s against my religion, remember?). There was no singing for Maryn’s class, but lots of visiting and enjoying our time together. (Some had a more enthusiastic time than others...hello Maryn!)

After we were done, I scooped up my little girls and we went home. I felt so much joy and pride that afternoon. I realized how blessed and lucky I am to be a Mother…their Mother. They truly are worth it in every way.

Other Mom’s Day highlights included: Mark staying home with Avery (who ended up having strep) on Friday, and doing all the Saturday chores a day early!! Hallelujah!! That included cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping people! Saturday we had the whole day to just play and relax. We went on a long bike ride, and just kind of lazed around. It was great! Sunday morning, I got breakfast in bed, followed by homemade cards and gifts, a little chocolate, and some iTunes goodness. At church, we got to attend RS instead of Primary sharing time, and that was a real treat. They had a wonderful program that just made me weep. All in all, it was a great Mother’s Day!

Blessings

On May 4th, my sister Erin and her husband Ben blessed their new baby boy, Cole Joshua. One of the blessings of his blessing was that my sisters from out-of-state were able to fly in and join us. Here are some pics from the happy event.


The newest Griswold, Cole Joshua with proud parents, Ben and Erin.


Mommy and Boy--I love this pic!


Day's and Griswold's--Suzy (me on the far left) and Mark, with Shauna in front of me with my girls, then my parents, then Ian (Jeff's kids) on top of Jeff's (my bro) shoulders, Hannah in green, Alec in blue, Riley in denim, Amy (sis-in-law) behind, Melanie behind her holding Braeden (Erin's other little boy), Mary and Randy Griswold (Ben's parents), and Erin and Ben on the far right. (Shauna and Mel's families stayed home and Ryan's family is in Utah.)

Lunch at Olga's--May 5th

Erin and Melanie--when they were young, we all called them "the little girls". Look at 'em now! Gorgeous ladies!!

I love having sisters!! We went shopping at Dixboro in Ann Arbor. That's Amy (Jeff's wife), Shauna (#1), Me (#4), Melanie (#5), and Erin (#6). The space between Mel and Erin is probably where our other sis-in-law Gretchen should be standing. Either that or Erin thinks Mel has cooties.

This was kinda the joke we laughed at while we were together. We all have pretty much the same haircuts...the a-line with the stack in the back. That's Amy, Shauna, Melanie, and Erin.

Survey Says!

I got another fun survey from my sister-in-law, Shalee. I'm not tagging anybody, but I'd love to see your answers too!

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
(I was the age Shalee is now…hee hee.) It was 1998, and I had declared on New Year’s Eve, my infamous mantra “to date in ‘98”, which eventually snagged me a husband. I was at USU and one winter day in the computer lab, I found Mark over email living in Pocatello. He came to visit his friend Tony in Logan, and we went out for our first date in February. We were pretty inseparable after that, driving back and forth between Pokey and Logan. We got engaged over Conference weekend in October, and married in December of that same year.

2. Five things on your to-do list:
-Get my hiney to the Verizon store to sign up for a new cell phone plan.
-Make my “special lady appointment” at the Doctor’s. Sorry, was that TMI?
-Write thank-you notes for all of my wonderful birthday gifts (does this count?)
-Finish arranging summer childcare plans with CDC and babysitters.
-Work on my primary lesson for Sunday.

3. What snacks do I enjoy?
Before 8 pm: fresh fruit/veggies, Fiber 1 bars (oats ‘n’ chocolate, yum!), and Kashi protein bars.
After the demon is unleashed: Dove chocolate, Edy’s Slow Churned Ice Cream (any flavor), something salty like chips, popcorn, or crackers…until I finally pass out in a sugar/salt induced coma.

4. What would I do if I suddenly became a billionaire?
-pay off debt
-save for stuff (college and weddings, retirement, etc.)
-travel around the world
-buy (and decorate) the house of my dreams
-quit work!

5. 3 bad habits:
-forget to practice good habits (see #3)
-OCD about cleanliness
-going to Target without a list

6. Places I have lived:
-Livonia, Michigan
-Rexburg, Idaho
-Chelsea, Michigan
-Prague and other cities, CZ
-Logan, Utah
-Trefoil Ranch, Utah
-Pocatello, Idaho
-Boise, Idaho
-Twin Falls, Idaho
-Livonia, Michigan
And the cycle repeats itself???

7. Jobs I've had:
-Babysitter, extraordinaire
-Cookie pusher, Miami Bake Shoppe
-Counter girl, Carriage Cleaners
-Camp Director, Trefoil Ranch
-Manager, CopyMax
-Technical Writer, S&T, Lionbridge, Compuware

8. Five things people don't know about me:
-I got sent to the principal in Elementary school for spitting on a boy on the playground.
-I don’t really like dogs.
-I would love to study Interior Design.
-I’ve never had a pedicure. (Thanks to my Mom for giving me a gift certificate for my birthday!!)
-I like squeezy cheese from a can.

9. 5 people to tag:
Whoever wants to do it!!

Blessing or a Curse?

As I drove my stinky, old, 1995 Ford Windstar into work today, I had a few thoughts come to mind. I realized how much I hate this car sometimes, yet how much I love it too. There’s not much to this van. It’s extremely basic. It doesn’t have power anything. You have to roll down your own windows, and none of the interior lights or cigarette lighters work (not that we smoke, but we can’t use adapters at all). It has a crack on the windshield that has spread from the time we got the van (used in 2002), which now spans the entire width of the windshield and is now going vertical. The window washing fluid thingy is broken, and so is the cassette tape player for the most part. The body was decent until last year when I side-swiped a parking column in the basement parking deck. Oops. So basically it’s not pretty and it doesn’t smell all that great either. There are times when I drive it that I feel a twinge of embarrassment and shame. Especially in the winter when the brakes get all squeaky and seem to echo for miles for all to stop and admire. (I know, it’s incredibly prideful and vain of me, but I’m just keeping it honest here.)

And yet, I also love this clunky old van. I know I’m extremely sentimental, but this van is the second car we scrimped and saved to buy after Avery was born. We had been driving only 1 vehicle while in Grad School in Boise, and we needed a second, bigger vehicle to accommodate 2 carseats. Mark’s uncle (who owns a used-car lot) hooked us up with a great deal. It felt all shiny and exciting when we got it and I was grateful to have it regardless of what it may have looked (or acted) like. The other thing I love about the van is that it has been fairly reliable. In the 5 + years we’ve had it, it has broken down maybe a handful of times. Thankfully while we were still in Idaho, Mark’s Dad was there to rescue us from financial disaster by fixing it up himself (thank heavens!!) And even since being in Michigan, the few times we’ve had something go wrong, getting it fixed has not broken the bank. It’s been pretty trusty considering we drive around 300 miles a week. (And the gas mileage ain’t that bad either at $3.60 a gallon!!)

I started thinking this morning, there’s no logical reason that this 1995 Windstar with over 160,000 miles is still running, consistently…day in and day out. It should have conceivably kicked the bucket a long time ago. But it hasn’t. I realized that the fact that my van still runs is a tender mercy. It is a blessing, and a little miracle that that helps put things into perspective. This van has seen us through some tough times and some happy times. And I’m grateful to have been reminded (and humbled) about my blessings this morning as I drove into work.

May Day

I looked at the calendar last night to see what was on the school lunch menu (Erin loves the Elementary school menu. I need to send her a link to it online. She loves reading the names for the overly-processed foods. Items such as “flower-shaped chicken dippers” and “smiley potatoes” make her laugh I think.) Anyway, today wasn’t the day for flower-shaped chicken dippers, it was some kind of nacho concoction…meat, cheese, “taco lettuce” and chips. Sounds nutritious, eh? The alternative menu item was pizza. I’m sure you think that sounds decent, but imagine the kind of microwave pizza you get in a box and that’s what my kids are eating today. I know, I know. They are basically ingesting pure hydrogenated fats and oils, along with processed animal parts for their lunch, but what other choice do we have? I made a deal with them at the beginning of the year, they could buy lunch once a week, and this was the best choice this week. Sad, but true. I’m so glad my hard-earned tax dollars are going to improve the healthy menu choices at the public schools, furthermore that my after-tax dollars are going to buy them this kind of food for their lunch.

Anyway, my point about looking at the calendar was I can’t believe that it’s May. We must have a pretty good groove going, because this past month has flown by. So here’s a little catch-up on our goings on.

The girls started taking karate classes on the 2nd of April. So after last night, they are half done. The class is hilarious. It’s a group of kids ages 5-7, a mix of boys and girls. Some of the kids are really small, and some are really tall (hello Avery!). Some have pretty athletic, quick reflexes and others are a little slower to process left, right, up and down. (It’s almost painful to watch them try and figure out which arm to punch or which leg to kick with.) The teacher is a white guy, with white hair, kind of short and with something to prove to these kids. He gets a little sarcastic with them at times, and likes to catch them off guard. He’s been “teaching” them the duck and weave move (I don’t know if that’s the official name), but basically he swipes his arm over their head and they’re supposed to duck and pop back up to sparring stance to continue to the next hit. If they’re not fast enough, they get hit in the side of the head with the swiping arm. He’s got these kids so paranoid they’re going to get hit that they can’t focus on the other moves he’s trying to drill them on. But then when they do get hit, they squeal and giggle with delight. Anyway, I don’t know how I feel about it. I’m getting a little irritated with a grown man hitting children in the side of the head, (even for the sake of teaching) but I think they’re having fun despite it. In the beginning of the class they were both really excited about wearing the “gi”, uniform thingy. I suspected that this was the only reason they wanted to take karate to begin with, especially Maryn considering her affinity for fashion. After I found out how much the uniform cost, we decided not to buy it. If they’re serious after this beginner class, we’ll see. Well my plan worked, because last night neither one of them wanted to go and said it was boring and they were tired of punching and kicking, etc. Hmmm…

My birthday was great. Thanks for all your kind wishes. It was pretty low-key and has been one of those birthdays that keeps on giving. Mark and I have a babysitter on Sat. night to go out to either a movie or dinner, but probably not both. I’m thinking either a nice dinner at Bahama Breeze or going to see Baby Momma. Any thoughts?

My sisters (Shauna and Melanie) are coming into town this weekend for nephew Cole’s blessing on Sunday morning. I’m so excited to see them and have been working my abs in preparation for the gut-busting laughs that will surely ensue. I’m so excited. I’m taking a half day off on Monday so we can play before Mel flies home on Tuesday. Shauna’s here for the week, so hopefully I can find time to see her during the work week.

Mark is officially done with classes as of this past week…for the semester, for pretty much forever, hopefully. This was his last semester of academic work in his program, and now he’s onto the Qualifying Exam and Dissertation portion of it. This part is apparently where men are made. It sounds appallingly difficult and complex, but I know he’ll do great. He’s pretty amazing that way. He’s managed to pull off another 4.0 average in his PhD program, much like his MFA, all while working FT and doing the parenting and husbanding thing. The only thing I’m nervous about for him is the language requirement of the QE where he has to translate a Spanish text into English. Mark didn’t go to South America or Mexico like the millions of young missionaries out there. He’s been trying to teach himself for the past few years. Hopefully he can pull that part off.

Maryn finally lost the other tooth on the bottom front. She was pretty thrilled that the tooth fairy came the same night (phew!) and that she got a $5. (It was all the tooth fairy had in her purse apparently at 11 pm when she remembered.) Maryn’s story that she wrote for the Publishing Center was chosen by some Churchill drama students to act out at a special assembly at Randolph. Sadly, she was absent that day with a 103 temperature. She loves writing and illustrating her own stories, and they continue to crack us up. She also recently designed a t-shirt that had a picture of a squirrel in a tree with some acorns scattered about with the slogan, “You’re nuttin’ but trouble”. Funny, huh?

Avery got her hair cut the other day, just a little chin-length bob. I took her to Great Clips, and she hopped right up into the chair and told the lady, “I want a hair cut like my Mom’s. I want you to cut it short and dye it brown. I’m the only one in my family with yellow hair now, and my last name is Brown and I need brown hair.” It was so cute and so Avery. She’s just full of so much spunk. She has me literally rolling on the floor lately with her impressions of Nacho Libre. She’s got the Spanish accent down really well, and all she has to do is say, “anaconda squeeeeeze” and I bust up. Her kindergarten class is preparing a Mother’s Day program next week and she is pretty eager to have me come and hear her songs and have the refreshments afterward. She told her teacher they “needed to have lemonade, cause her Mom didn’t drink coffee or tea”. So cute.