New-ness

I know you all understand the different place I am in my life right now. I'm kind of in between. That's mostly what my last post was about. I just don't know where I fit in yet. I'm in this new place...a new house in a small town, no job, no friends or family, things aren't familiar yet. Have you been in this place before? I know some of you have, maybe even more than me.

Then you know it's strange.

But I've been here before. I've moved around a lot in my life...not until after I left home for college however, but since then I've lived lots of different places. I know that there is an adjustment period every time you move. It's different for everybody. And sometimes it's different depending on where you move, or under what circumstances. Some moves are easier than others.

I'm not sure I can adequately rate this move compared to other moves we've made in the past, but so far things are going pretty well. Things have worked out great with Mark's job. He loves it. It's so much better and nicer of a place to work at than YDB ever was. He's acclimating well.

The girls are doing so much better this week compared to the last several. They seem to be getting a little bounce back in their step, and are making new friends, and doing great in school...good grades coming home and excitement about doing well on tests and things they get to do each day.

Church is good. The Ward is welcoming and warm. We gave our introduction talks this past Sunday and they went well. Mark of course was humorous and charming and the members think he's pretty hilarious. So what am I? The spiritual one? Pa-shaw!!

I even got a calling. (Although I know there are more coming.) I'll be in charge of Activity Days for the 8-11 year old girls...Maryn included. It'll be fun, I'm sure.

So slowly, my new Illinois identity is being formed. I'm starting to get a sense for "who I am" here, and how I will define myself in this new place and in this new life really. Everything is different. I have to decide what I want to be and what I want to do with myself now.

When I was in Michigan, it was easier. I was a Mom of 2 who worked full-time in the city at a pretty well know company and did something that people were familiar with. Every now and then I bumped into people from growing up in the area, attending the same schools that my girls were now attending. At church, I was the daughter of some pretty well know people in the Stake, and I knew people from growing up there too. My identity came easier to me there. I didn't really have to create much for myself. Some things I didn't really have any choice about anyway. The fact that I had to work, the fact that I had roots there.

But here, I have to start over. I have to put myself out there. And it's a little scary. Making new friends, trying to find some place I fit in. Will I work? Will I stay home? Will I find something part time? It will probably be in a whole new career as tech writers aren't really in demand in rural Illinois. All these decisions are weighing on my mind. For now, I am trying to enjoy the quiet of just not knowing, but that's hard too. (Cause my mind doesn't work like that much...you know the whole quiet and calm thing. For some reason, it just wants to go, go, go lately. It's a curse.)

I know I'm in for some big changes whatever they may be though. I can feel 2009 is the year for new beginnings. A new Suzy. Is that too narcissistic? I hope not.

In all the chaos of our move, I didn't really have a chance to take stock of 2008 and whether or not I accomplished any of my goals and what my goals for 2009 would be.

So far I know that I want to slow things down. The pace of our lives in Michigan was just way too fast. I definitely want to take more time to just be still. I want to be the one dropping the girls off at school, and waiting for them to get off the bus. I don't want to be rushing from one thing to the next all the time.

One other thing that's at the top of my list is something that Mark and I talked about wanting to start with the new year. We decided to make a little rhyme or theme to help us remember. It's this: "be kind in '09". We want to be kinder to each other, the girls, people in general. We just want to soften our rough edges a little bit. (And stop yelling so much for crying out loud!!!)

I want to be more involved in my children's education. I can tell that I'm going to need to step it up here in Tonica. I didn't realize how good we had it in Livonia. The quality just isn't the same here, and it's just going to take more involvement on our part to keep up their momentum.

I want to make new friends. I want to put myself out there. I want to be a better member missionary. We are the only Mormons in our town, and one of the only LDS families in the greater LaSalle-Peru area. People need to know who we are, and what we stand for.

And this year, I will learn to bake homemade bread!! That is something that didn't happen in 2008, and I am determined at this point!

So there you go, a few goals for '09.

A few things to help keep me focused while I am starting over in a new place. Maybe I'll get lucky and actually accomplish a few of them.

What are some of your goals this year?

Now What?

This morning, as I was getting the girls ready for school I sat down across the table from them as they finished eating their toaster waffles.

The laptop was sitting on the table from the night before.

I casually opened it up and fired her up.

Maryn looked at me and asked with disdain in her voice, "is that all you do all day?"

And I have to admit I was taken quite off-guard and kind of stuttered in defense...noooo, it's not allll I dooo all dayyyyy, I whined. And then I began to list off all the stuff I do during the day...none of which is thaaat important or necessary for a SAHM with no kids at home during the day. The laundry can wait (technically), the returns to Target can too, and I don't really have to keep searching for the perfect window sheers I guess.

And it kind of struck me...now what? I don't have the excuse of having to pack up my house for the big move, or unpack my house from the big move. And just when I was starting to have fun...I do have Dish and satellite internet now, ya know.

Guess the honeymoon's over...time to start looking for a job.

Blah.

Unless anyone has any ideas that might make for some good excuses that is. I'm all ears.

His Birthday

In the midst of all of our chaos, Mark had a birthday. He turned 35 on January 17, 2009. Man, he's gettin' old!! (Did I mention he's a whole 4 months older than I am...he's practically a senior citizen compared to me!!)

His birthday was spent waiting around for the internet guy to come and install our dish. We waited, and waited, and waited. And eventually he showed up, but unfortunately it wasn't until 4:30 in the afternoon. Mark's birthday had basically been spent at home dinking around, waiting for Dish Man to make his long-awaited (impatiently) appearance.

Although, the day wasn't a complete loss. We did make a yummy batch of chocolate chip dream bars (instead of cake) to toast his big day. Too bad, I didn't grease the pan before pressing the cookie dough crust into the 9 by 13 and it was about as hard as a brick when I took it out of the oven. Whoops. We stuck some candles in it anyway, and sang him (very conservatively...internet dude was eavesdropping) the Happy Birthday song.

The girls gave him their presents (a Bone comic book and a Batman notebook) and cards and I gave him mine. Apparently I gave him the same card last year...or so he says. The card couldn't be more perfect...it has something to do with snoring, so it's quite appropriate two years or ten years in a row in my opinion. I also gave him some iTunes goodness and a couple or three hundred books, and some new clothes.



We had big plans of driving down to Bloomington (closest big city about 45 minutes away) and eating at their Olive Garden. Except our internet guy wasn't done until almost 7 pm. That plan was scrapped, but we ventured out anyway. We ended up at the Peru Mall and ate at a cute little fifties diner place called "Maid Rite". They're famous for a loose meat burger concoction. It looked quite nasty to be honest with you...we both got regular burgers, fries, and milkshakes. The day was reedeemed.



Then I took him to Target and let him try on some new clothes.

Then we went home (to a house that has satellite internet--eeeee!!).

Happy Birthday MSB!!

P.S. We went to Bloomington the following Monday (to celebrate Martin's birthday this time). Olive Garden was trumped by the beckoning glow of Qdoba!! Yes, that's right. We all practically broke down in tears when we saw it. It was like coming home. The limey chips, the 3 cheese queso, the grilled chicken goodness. The Brown's were one happy family that day!!

The Ship Has Landed

We are all moved and unpacked and at work and back in school and doing great. Except we still don't have internet. They were supposed to come today (we're getting satellite), but because of a freak blizzard yesterday and 30 below temps today (2 snow days in a row), the dude cancelled on me.

I don't think he realizes how serious the situation is becoming.

At least I still have my diet caffeine. At least that is the one constant in my life right now.

I wish I could post pictures and write more, but it'll have to wait until I get my life-line back.

Until then...

Lots of L-O-V-E from the blizzard capitol of the world!!

Christmas Joy

Another great year for the Brown's. We have four very content people in our house tonight. Not only because of the thoughtful and unique gifts we received, but mostly because we are together on this special day of the year. We are a family, and we have the Gospel in our lives which gives us incredible peace and joy.

We are blessed and we are grateful.

We hope you have the same peace and joy this holiday season.

Merry Christmas!!

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Exactly 10 years ago today, on one of the coldest December days in the history of Idaho, this happened:



Da da da da dun da da, dun dah duh dah...(wedding march). Look out world, here we come!! This was us coming out of the Idaho Falls Temple, freshly hitched. It was absolutely freezing that day, and I felt like a popsicle in my short-sleeved dress. I channeled Rose from Titanic that day whilst taking picture after picture on the frozen Temple grounds. By the end of the session we couldn't use many of our pictures anyway as we both had red, Rudolph noses and were visibly clenching our teeth.



Later on at our Reception...us and our parents, the people who made this all happen. Our reception was held in a Banquet Room on the campus of the former Ricks College, Rexburg, Idaho. Very appropriate as we met at Ricks 5 years earlier. Mark's Mom worked there, and had special connections and the room was just perfect. We went with the Christmas theme, and had trees with white lights, white and burgundy poinsettas, and emerald green and burgundy accents throughout. (I know, veeerry 1998.) It was beautiful though.



Me and my pets, oops I mean "bridesmaids". Melanie had just celebrated her first anniversary with Jeff that summer, and Erin was in her single days at UVCC. We found the emerald green velvet dresses at a JCPenney in Provo during Thanksgiving break that year. I think they were like $30 or $40. My roomate Nicky (also a mission companion) was also my bridesmaid that day.



Mark and his "groomsmen". From left, Tony Mosier, Dan Brown, Jason Brown. My how we've all changed!!



I just love this picture of Mark. Isn't that expression priceless? Especially on his wedding day. Doesn't he look like he's saying "whoo boy, what have I gotten myself into?!?" Either that, or somebody spiked the punch and he's feeling a little happy. Anyway, what a cute groom, huh?

P.S. We want a cut of any winnings anybody acquired on bets placed on whether or not we would actually make it this far...you can mail them to our new address.

Thanks!!

It's Great to Be Eight!

Maryn's birthday was on Sunday, as well as her baptism. She had a great celebration. Grandma and Grandpa Brown came all the way from Rigby to be with us, and the fun just never ended.

Except...

that Maryn came home from school on Thursday with a fever over 100 degrees. The same night that her Grandparents were arriving to stay with us, and the same night as my RS Christmas Party. We made quick arrangements for me to drop off my treats to the party early (and not go), and to keep her with me while Mark and Avery went to the airport. We all had dinner together that night, and kept Maryn as far away from them as possible.

The next day (Friday) I kept both of them home from school. Maryn definitely had strep (like the 6th time this year), and Avery was just a ball of jealous determination that she needed to stay home as well. We got Maryn into the dr. that afternoon, and started the antibiotics, hoping that they would kick in for her to feel well at her baptism.

And they did.

Saturday was pleasant, and we went out and ran some errands and had "the grandparents" party, where both sets lavished her with presents and attention. It was fun. Later that night we had more presents and she blew out her premature birthday candles on top of a Tim Horton's double chocolate donut.

Then we went to Church on Sunday, and after we got home Avery complained that her tummy was hurting. Usually Ave uses this tactic to get out of eating what is being served, but what was being served was one of her faves...roast, potatoes, and carrots. And she didn't touch it. She went to lay down, and then she jumped up and got to the toilet just in time for, you guessed it!! I was shocked. At first I thought maybe she was faking it...that her jealousy had reached an all new level and she was making herself sick to turn the attention on her. She fell asleep and I figured when she got up, she'd be fine for the baptism.

I was wrong.

She got up and threw up again, and again, and again. Mark and Grandpa Brown gave her a blessing. She was miserable. They left without us to set things up. I packed the puke bucket, towels, a change of clothes, and off we went. She was fine for awhile, and when we got there she was seemingly fine as well.

Then towards the middle of Grandma Brown's talk she said she needed to GO! And off we went...sprinting across the back of the chapel to the nearest garbage can. A couple friends followed me out, but I didn't want to pawn off my sick child on somebody else...and basically spread the germs for all to acquire. (Maybe that was already too late?)

So I missed the last half of Laurie's talk and the beautiful musical number I had arranged with my friends, Maryn and my favorite primary hymn, "If the Savior Stood Beside Me". Ave pulled it together and we went to the Baptistry.


Mark and Maryn got in the font and it was freezing. Ave got up close enough to see. It was wonderful. But I was distracted. And I walked Avery back to the Chapel with her bucket, forgetting that a sopping wet skinny little 8 year old was waiting for me in the changing room. It finally hit me, and off I sprinted across the back of the chapel again to rescue my poor little chicken baby Maryn.

I got into the changing room, and there she was completely naked with a HUGE grin on her face. She looked at me excitedly and said, "I'm freeeeeeezzzzing!" It was so cute, and something I will never forget. It calmed my nerves immediately. I grabbed her blue fuzzy towel and finished drying her off and got her dressed. We met up with Mark and walked back to the Chapel.

When we got there, Amy was playing beautiful Christmas music on her violin and I immediately felt the Spirit again.

But then...

I noticed that Avery was missing, and so was her bucket. Sprint #3 across the back of the chapel to see if she was puking somewhere on the other side of the building. Nowhere. to. be. found. I returned and saw that she was sitting with friends on the back row. My friend insisted she would keep her and that I needed to get up to the front row and sit with Maryn and Mark. I did and started calming down again.

The program really was beautiful. Wonderful talks by both of her Grandmothers, prayers from her Grandfathers, Ordinances by her Dad and Uncles and Grandpas. It was awesome.

Unfortunately, Avery had to cap it off with another dash to the garbage can.

After the closing prayer, she went home with Grandpa and Grandma Brown. I'm so glad they were there. I went into the Young Women's room to cut the birthday cake. We had a great turnout (thank you for all of you who came!), and we were able to visit and enjoy our guests and Maryn's birthday.

I think it was another momentous occassion in the Brown family that was perfectly punctuated with a little drama and tribulation. Remember our honeymoon story? I think that it's just our luck quite honestly. And it also makes for great stories afterwards...and lllooooonnngggg blog posts!! Hee hee.

All in all, Maryn had a great birthday. At one point, she looked at Mark and said, "I just can't stop smiling." I think that sums it up. She is a big girl now, and we are so proud of her. And so happy that her birthday was such a memorable one.

And lest we forget her little sister...she's fine today. I kept her home from school, and she's been happy as a clam watching Star Wars and eating Ramen Noodles. I think it was a quirky 24-hour bug that just so happened to have the worst possible timing imaginable.

Oh well.

Life goes on.