A Day In The Life

As I'm sure you all know or at least remember in the not so distant past, newborns are a lot of work. My days (and nights) have changed pretty significantly. I am at the mercy of a little peanut we call Parker. Join us for a day in the life...

After Parker eats, she usually gets a little sleepy. We normally swaddle her up, pop a binky in her mouth, and pat her bum till her gassy smiles and eye rolling float her off into dream land. (But for the sake of the photo shoot, we didn't use any of these tactics.)

So sweet, right? This is what consumes much of Parker's schedule these days. Tough work, eh?

Our little purple Parker peanut...try saying that 5 times fast.

(she stirs and awakens...) "Hey, did someone just call me a purple peanut?"

Better go, we can't keep this little peanut waiting for too long...she's irresistable, isn't she?

Round Three

I keep thinking that one of these days things will calm down a little and I can sit down and write Parker's birth story. (Did I just hear a snort or giggle?) Maybe my expectations are a little unrealistic, but I probably would have had some time had it not been for our crazy week.

We have been riding the jaundice rollercoaster this week and it has not been fun. As many of you know, it's incredibly frustrating and basically a game of wait and see, doctors telling you what to do, and not having a whole lot of control over the variables involved. When we left the hospital Parker's bili levels were totally normal and we kind of thought that maybe this was the baby that would somehow escape the dreaded jaundice unscathed. Maybe?

But by her fifth day of birth, she was starting to look a little yellow. We took her over to the hospital for what would be the first of many, many visits to come. Indeed her bili levels were rising, and her weight was plummeting. Argh!! Not again!!

We went through this with both Maryn and Avery. Maryn's case was probably the most severe and we were instructed to start supplementing her breast feeding sessions with formula, which would push the bili out of her system quicker and help her to gain weight that she really needed. (Maryn was really premature and really tiny.) So we did what the doctors told us and sure enough because of the ease of the bottle and her prematurity, she weaned herself from the breast by 6 months. Not exactly what I wanted, but I was doing what was best for her at the time.

Along came Avery and pretty much the same set of problems. But instead of supplementing her with formula to get the bili out, I tried to pump breastmilk to supplement her feedings instead. As my family will recall, if I wasn't hooked up to the baby for our hour long breastfeeding sessions, I was hooked up to the hospital grade breast pump for another hour long session where I would only get under an ounce of supplemental milk (on a good day--from both sides, mind you). I was completely confused and frustrated. I ended up so worn out both physically and emotionally that eventually we decided to switch to formula to get the bili out of her system and start packing on the pounds.

After that experience, I decided that I needed to stop beating myself up about breastfeeding. Instead of just letting it go, I made it personal. I felt like a failure, like I was broken/damaged goods, that I wasn't the Mother I should be. And it plunged me into some serious post-partum depression. After I pulled through the darkness and could see things rationally again, I realized that I was just one of many Mothers who aren't as successful with breastfeeding as others. It didn't mean that I loved my child any less, it didn't mean that I was a freak show, it just meant that for me, it didn't work out the way I'd hoped it would. And finally I learned to let it go and move on. (Or so I thought.)

With Parker, I started out with these valuable lessons already stocked on my mental bookshelf. I knew that if it didn't work out again, I could get over it and move on. I could concentrate on nurturing her and bonding with her despite whether she was fed by breast or bottle. The first few days in the hospital went great. She had a vigorous suckle and a fierce latch. I could hear her swallowing and knew she was getting what she needed. My milk came in by the 3rd day, and once again, I felt like things were going well. She was peeing and pooping several times a day, she had white milk on her lips after coming off of the breast. I was optimistic and thought that maybe this time things would be different. Maybe?

But then the jaundice came, and with it daily trips to the hospital for blood draws (imagine this on a tiny 5 and a half pound baby--yes, her weight has dropped that much). It has been heartbreaking. She screamed the first few times when they wrapped that elastic band around her upper arm to try and expose a vein. Even more when they poked that giant (relatively) needle into her scrawny little arm to try and get a sample. She doesn't have a whole lot of surplus to work with here people. But now she's so conditioned to it, she doesn't even scream anymore. It makes me feel terrible. We've done this every day for the past week and every day the results have been high levels. We tried a "bili-blanket" for a few days (see picture above). It seemed to work, but was very inconvenient to work with. Because she's so small, it won't stay wrapped around her middle properly and ends up falling down. Add to this the fact that I'm now feeding her every hour to two hours, while she is hooked up to this machine that is pumping halogen light into her delicate skin. I can feel the anxiety starting to mount.

Along with hospital trips, we've been taking her to our pediatrician's office for weight checks every other day. Most babies are expected to gain anywhere from an ounce to more a day in the second week, and by the end of the second week they should be back up to their birth weight. Parker has only gained an ounce this whole week. She is now only 5.13. Her birth weight is 6.9. I guess the saying about some women producing "cream" and other women producing "skim" is true. I just wish I were producing the cream in this case.

So today is the day we have to decide what to do next. Her doctor decided to take a day off from blood tests...her levels are still high...she's at a 15 as of yesterday. She also decided to take her off of the bili blanket. (I was so glad, that thing creeped me out.) We will take her in to get weighed later this afternoon and if she hasn't gained a significant amount of weight we will have to start supplementing. Is this starting to sound familiar?

We feel like it is what it is. We will do what is best for our baby. It may not be exactly what we had hoped for, but it doesn't mean that it's bad either. We know that this will pass, and that eventually the yellow-ness will fade, eventually she will gain weight and get nice and chubby. It's just frustrating when I had let my hopes get up for something different this time around. I'm trying to make my peace with it. I'm trying not to let my emotions take over, but it's hard. There's a whole lot of stuff swimming around in my heart and mind right now. I'll be okay though, and so will Parker.

We'll keep you posted.

Deja-Vu

I am sure you are thinking that this is a new picture of Parker. Nope. Tricked ya. This is a picture of Avery Jane...the very picture we used in her birth announcement 7 years ago today. The resemblance is striking, don't you think? At first, I thought I saw more of Maryn in Parker, but after pulling out their baby books, I am thinking that Parker looks more and more like Avery.

It's a little like having deja-vu. It was 7 years ago in the same month that I gave birth to Avery. The pregnancy was very much the same (got pregnant around the first of the year, and very, very preggo in the hot, humid summer), and having a c-section as well. Avery's delivery was kind of scary though, and Parker's was (thankfully) much more calm and in control (don't worry, the big story is coming...). They are only separated by an ounce in birth weight, and an inch in length (Avery being the bigger baby of all 3). They all have different personalities though, of that there is no question.

So join us in celebrating Avery's 7th birthday today!! She is an awesome girl--full of life, laughter, and lots of love!! We are so grateful she is in our family.

The Announcement

Parker Faye Brown

6 pounds, 9 ounces,

19 inches long.

3:30 p.m. Saturday, September 5, 2009

Illinois Valley Community Hospital, Peru, Illinois

Details to come . . .

False Alarm

How would I describe my feelings right now? Frustrated, embarrassed, disappointed, a little stupid, confused. Has this happened to you? AAGH!!

Tuesday I had been having contractions all day. My belly felt like a solid, round bowling ball--unyielding and crampy. My lower back ached, and I just didn't feel right. Around 3 pm, I decided to start timing them to see how far apart they were coming. 7-9 minutes mostly. Some were more like 10, others more like 5. I sat for awhile, got up and walked around for awhile, and laid down for awhile. I did this for a couple hours with no changes. They didn't get worse, but they didn't stop either. So I called my doctor's office. They encouraged me to come into the hospital to hook me up to the monitor to see what was going on.

I was kind of excited, but at the same time apprehensive because it didn't feel that uncomfortable. Like I said, they weren't getting worse, they were just consistent. But we went anyway. We grabbed my bag, the girls bag, and everything on our list. We called the babysitters we have lined to take the girls on the way. We skipped Maryn's soccer practice, grabbed some Arby's drive-thru, and got to the hospital around 6:30. Mark handled the hand-off to the babysitter, and I got hooked up to the monitors.

The contractions continued every 8-10 minutes but they weren't show-stoppers by any means. They did a pelvic exam...still only a 2. They hooked me up to an IV to see if that changed anything--which it did. Everything came to a gradual stop. No more contractions. The midwife determined that because everything kind of petered out and I wasn't dilated, and still "only" 37 weeks that there was no legitimate reason to keep me and gave me the boot. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought maybe this could be it!! Maybe I could be going into labor without just having my water break first (what happened with the girls).

Nope.

I wasn't going to post about this. It's just one of those things that you know you shouldn't feel embarrassed about, but you do anyway. I've birthed two babies before this, I should know what I'm doing, right? I couldn't feel less so. I feel completely naive.

But I'm still hopeful. Don't get me wrong. I know that it will happen...eventually. I just have to wait...be patient. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and the nurse called me yesterday to schedule my c-section for September 18, if it doesn't happen before then. So either way, not too much longer.

I just hope I don't have to cry wolf again before the BIG day.

What a Parade in Downtown Tonica Looks Like

Tonica "Cruise Fest" is what they call it around these parts. Basically it consists of the parade in the afternoon, also the local bar cooks up some grub that you can buy and eat on their picnic tables, oh and there's an elephant ear stand. After all of that you can jump in one of two rented bounce houses or pay to dunk some Tonica village official in the dunk tank. But after a couple hours, you've pretty much seen it or done it all.

I guess around supper time the Fire Station puts on a pork chop dinner, and the beer garden opens up at the bar. That's when the real party gets started. Ha ha. They also have a bunch of people who own a bunch of old cars cruise Main Street (for what essentially takes less than a minute). We didn't do that part.

We just went for the free candy and pure fascination of it all.


As you can see, the girls didn't quite know what to expect.


Here comes the the Tonica Fire Truck...later we heard that it sprayed some kid so hard they got knocked over and the Tonica Ambulance had to give them a free ride to the hospital.


This is the succession of Tonica Village emergency services. I think they threw out a bunch of candy.


John Deere tractors following the EMT...I don't think they had any candy. They just waved and smiled.


They were in full force that day. Notice our freshly painted water tower in the distance.


Some of the locals...waiting for candy.


Luckily some teenage girls dressed up in 50's costumes saved the day and not only had candy, but balloons too!!


They were part of the one and only float in the parade...put on by the Tonica United Methodist Church. The first float was also the finale of the parade.

So there you have it, what a parade in downtown Tonica looks like. Nothing fancy, but made us feel more a part of this kooky little town. I know someday we'll look back at this time of our lives and have a good laugh.

(BTW, we definitely missed the Yawney's and the Chelsea parade after watching this...I think theirs is right around this time too. Love you guys!!)

A New(er) Set of Wheels

The last time we bought a vehicle was 2002--a couple months after Avery was born. We had been functioning on 1 vehicle up until that time, our little 2-door Escort. I mainly drove the Escort while Mark biked all over Boise--to school, to Winco, and the Capitol building where he worked, and sometimes he'd even pop up on my doorstep at work. (That was a long bike-ride for him). It worked for awhile. Up until Avery was born and then things started becoming more complicated. Suddenly trying to fanangle two babies into a 2-door proved to be a bit daunting. Indeed, the whole crawling back and contorting our bodies in order to seatbelt Maryn, the wiggly toddler and Avery, the squealing infant in the back of the 2-door Escort started to wear on us. It only lasted a couple months and then we figured we needed something bigger--a family car if you will. Luckily we had Mark's Uncle Roy waiting in the wings with a solid, reliable white 1995 Windstar. It wasn't new, but it was a joy for us. He gave us a heck of deal and we were delighted to have more space and another set of wheels to depend upon.

That van has seen us through the long haul, I tell ya. We drove that baby all over Boise, Twin Falls, and then across country to live with us in Michigan. It even drove us here to our new home in Illinois. It has been through a lot with our family, and has really been quite a trusty mode of transport. It's had it's share of problems too, but nothing that ever wasn't impossible to fix and nothing that made us want to abandon it on the side of the road. The only problem I ever had with our Windstar has been my own vanity. It's not a pretty car. It's got bumps, scratches, dents (thanks to me!), and the interior has always had an unidentifiable mystery odor that no amount of car fresheners has been able to mask. When the brakes started squeaking it really started to take it's toll on my ego. We took it into car repair places a myriad of times to try and identify why they would squeak. Everyone was baffled, but still it squeaked. Every time I backed up or sometimes even braked too hard, they squeaked. I was embarrassed by my squeaky, outdated, stinky van. Am I a terrible, shallow person?!?

Anyway, just over the past few months the transmission is starting to fail. It just doesn't want to shift easily. It revs and refuses to shift past 15 or 20, and we've had it. We're ready for a new(er) set of wheels. Only problem is, we have no money...and a baby on the way...which means lots of ensuing medical bills on their way...and a new(er) vehicle just didn't seem prudent or possible at the time.

But once again, miracles happen and blessings pour from the heavens. (Thank you Sheffield family!!) And a way has been prepared for us to buy a new(er) vehicle. I can't tell you what a relief it is to be able to bring our new(er) baby home in our new(er) vehicle. It's so nice to know that I won't have to worry about breaking down on the side of the road with a baby in the backseat. (Not to mention the fact that it doesn't squeak, stink, or rev.)

Here's to hopefully many happy memories with our new(er) van. And if y'all know of anybody in the area who is looking for a 1995 Ford Windstar, let us know...we actually have to sell this thing now. Maybe I should use this post as advertisement on Ebay or Craig's List? Ha ha!!