I'm actually a bit wary of posting this because even though I know my blog is private, there's always that sneaking suspicion that somehow people are reading my thoughts without me knowing it. Paranoid much? Yep, you bet!!
Anyway, I've had an experience over the past few months that has been weighing on my mind. And I need your advice. I'm at a place in my relationship with this person where I'm really at a loss for where to go next, but I need to do something...act quickly and deliberately if you will.
So I've lived here for a year now and it wasn't until November that I finally got a Visiting Teaching route, and in turn visiting teachers for myself. In my area of the world, the Church is very small. We have huge boundaries for our Ward, which means that when you visit people you really have to commit...time, travel, your whole heart. And I'm ready to do that. The other thing it means is that for every teacher you have that is considered "active", there is also a teacher who is not so active and not really committed as strongly as the other one. That has kinda been the case with this situation. I want to help my companion, but don't know where to draw the line in terms of "helping" and just plain being taken advantage of. I don't want to push, but at the same time I do want to encourage and support. I don't want to make the problem worse by doing too much, but also just not do anything. AAAGH! See what I mean?
So what do I do? I'm in this place where I'm not sure what I did, or what I can do to make things different or better. I can't help but replay all of these things over and over in my head and blame myself for it somehow. I feel guilty for somehow letting this opportunity go down the toilet. But then I stop and think, is this really my fault? Am I unnecessarily beating myself up for something I have no control over? Is this really just someone else's issue? I don't know.
What do you think?
And what should I do next?
I still have to visit teach my 2 assigned sisters, and I guess I'll be going it alone. Which is fine, but I feel like I need to address this whole relationship regardless. In my old age, I hate letting stuff like this go. I hate confrontation, but see it's value in getting closure and not letting myself be "bullied" or taken advantage of. I've let that happen to myself waaaaayyy too much in my lifetime and I'm over it.
Soooo...once again....your thoughts? Please.
4 comments:
I'm not saying this is the best solution, but this is what I would do: Write her a card and let her know that you are thinking about her and haven't been able to get in touch. Tell her you enjoyed getting to know her and that if she ever wants to get together to call you or send you a message on FB. Share a brief testimony, and if you feel the need, an apology. This way, she knows how you feel and the ball is left in her court.
????????????
I am exactly in the same camp as Shalee. A note which says you are sorry that you haven't been able to get ahold of her. That is, after all, what you are sorry for. The other things happened, they are not your fault. so you don't need to spend time being sorry for them. I would then put the ball in her court ... IF she wants to call, facebook, email, get together, let it be her choice.
Sometimes the best way to deal with a person is by not dealing with the person. If you make it her responsibility, it is.
I agree with both bits of advice...don't take it personally either.
If she has been offended by anything you have done, that is her choice. Remember that talk by Elder Eyring, I think? You can let her know how you feel & that you are sorry, but it is not YOUR fault how she reacts.
Thanks you guys. I think I am going to write her a note. I've also been thinking of just starting to comment on her status's again and hopefully she will warm up again...either way I'm really trying to not take it personally. :-)
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