You Mean Blogs Aren't Just for Happy Stuff? (Drafts from the Vault)

{The date on this one is February 2011.  I had forgotten about this entirely.  What a yucky moment in history.  It seemed so much scarier at the time.  I am so grateful that things weren't worse.  Once again, this needs to be published in the book of "me" as being an authentic moment in history.}

If you're anything like me and you blog stalk unknowing victims in cyber-space, than you may have caught onto a bloggy-epidemic in this great big world wide webisphere...I call it "happy blog syndrome". Have you seen it? Symptoms include: happy pictures of happy kids and families participating in happy events. I know I have a tendency to be skeptical, even cynical. But when I come across a "happy" blog, I have to wonder...what does your blog look like on a bad day? I know you have them too. What is it about us women that sometimes makes it so difficult to "get real"? Aren't blogs meant to serve as online journals to some degree? Aren't they supposed to capture different snapshots of our lives? Why is it so uncomfortable to show the not so pretty pictures?

So as I wrote my blog post yesterday, I was sincere in my hatred of grocery shopping ;-) but as I wrote it I knew it was a "safe" subject. A topic that many of us women-folk can relate to. Although my post talked about what I was feeling yesterday, it didn't really address my deeper issues. The thoughts and struggles I am having on a daily basis. Maybe I'm getting too personal. Maybe blogs aren't really meant to put all of our baggage and "stuff" out there, but sometimes I wonder if we took that leap what would happen. Would we find strength and support from our family, friends, possibly strangers who read our blog? Would there be a sympathetic ear who knows exactly what we're feeling and struggling with ready to offer the perfect advice or encouragement? I wonder.

So as to not keep you wondering what the heck I'm talking about, I'm going to take a small leap. When I wrote my grocery shopping blog post yesterday, what I was really thinking about was what a scary week I had last week. I was thinking about how I couldn't believe that last Monday I came home from a doctor's appointment convinced that I had breast cancer, and that by Thursday afternoon I was relieved to find out that it wasn't. Crazy, huh? And none of you would have known that if I wasn't willing to get a little "real". I wish I had the confidence to write about what I was going through at the time, it might have helped a lot to hear your support and encouragement. But instead I dealt with things "behind the scenes", feeling very isolated and scared to be honest with you. You just never know what's going on with somebody unless you ask, unless you take a leap and talk about it, etc.

What happened was that I found a small lump on my right breast about a month ago. I figured it was nothing, and went about my business. After a conversation with my Mom and an answer to prayer, I decided to just go ahead and have it checked out. Either way knowing would put my worry to rest. I made an appt. and figured my Doctor wouldn't be able to feel what I was feeling. But he did. He said it felt like a couple of small cysts, with some swelling in my armpit as well; but I should have it checked out just in case. I was scheduled for a mammogram and sonogram early the next day. They found the cyst on the mammo, but not on the sonogram. Both tests came back negative. Ultimately these types of cysts go away with time; but are definitely there, palpable, and not very pleasant to live with. Anyway, in the time between the doctor's appt and my hospital appts the next day I was a mess. And even after the tests I was a mess. Every scenario played out in my head. I can only imagine what it must feel like for women who are dealing with bigger lumps, more complicated issues such as family history, etc. It definitely gave me a wake up call.

Anyway, needless to say it's not a happy topic for a happy blog post. It's not something easy to just bring up, but I'm going to try. I'm just tired of feeling like if I don't have anything happy or fun to talk about I don't have anything to share on my blog. Life is not just the happy times, we all know that. But let's talk about it instead of trying to be heroes. I know it would help me out a lot.